


Just Stay With Me (Don't You Ever Leave)

by SullenLarry



Category: Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band), Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bad Boy Zayn, Betrayal, Comedy, Drinking, Emotional Manipulation, Fluff and Angst, Lies, Lilo friendship, Louis Has MS, M/M, Niall Horan Knows Everything, Poetic Harry Styles, Side Ziam (Eventually), Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2019-10-13 13:52:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17489237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SullenLarry/pseuds/SullenLarry
Summary: Two friends meddle in the life of another. What could possibly go wrong?---or-----A college AU in which Harry is best-friends with Zayn, who just so happens to silently manipulate him. They both want Louis...who has his own journey of who to choose while dealing with an sudden illness.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story will be told in Third Person Omniscient, exchanging between Zayn, Harry, and Louis. I hope you like it! I'll try and add trigger warnings at the beginning of each chapter that needs one. I hope this becomes a dramedy but you know my writing can be somber at times. It's a Larry fic but things get complicated when Zayn wants the both of them....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks so much for checking out my story. I'd just like to say that this is a Larry story but there will be some mistakes along the way....so hopefully, you'll be patient and forgiving with that in mind. It should also be noted that the characters will be flawed sometimes, and may make choices that you don't agree with. That's okay, right? This is a work of fiction and no representation of the real people. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy! <3 
> 
> P.S. It gets better after this chapter [I suck at prologues LoL]

**Zayn.**

A car stopped in the middle of the train tracks. It was black, nothing special.  To say it was aesthetic may have been a long stretch. Some of the paint was peeling, revealing its age. It was loud, often smoked under the hood, and the roof leaked on a hard-rainy day.

To Zayn, the car was everything. It was the memories of driving with his grandfather to the convenient store, or taking his high-school sweetheart to their first prom together. The only problem though – in the words of Robert Frost, nothing gold can stay.

He looked to his left, over to his right – eyeing his passenger, Harry. He rolled down a window and lit his cigarette, inhaling the nicotine as he shifted his body around, feet dangling out of the window.

“I think I hear a train!” Harry furrowed his eyebrows concerned.

Unaffected, Zayn twirled his ankles around, humming a sing-song tune as he placed his head in Harry’s lap. “I hear the training a’coming. It’s rolling down the bend.

“What are you doing?!” Harry cried out as the railroad crossing bar began to close on the track.

“I ain’t seen the sun shine since I don’t know when,”  Zayn continued, gazing into Harry’s full-of-life emerald eyes. “You should chill. Relax. Here,” He removed his cigarette from his mouth, offering the toxic chemicals to Harry.

Before Harry could reply, a ringing from the railroad mast roared in the air. “Zayn!”

“God, I am so bored!” Zayn confessed. “I hear that train a’rolling, on down the San Antone.” He teased. “ _I want to live, Zayn. Why don’t you_? My little Harry, so naive of the world.”

“Zayn!” Harry begged as he began to open the car door. “Come on!” Harry stood on the other side of the tracks, watching helplessly as Zayn continued to hum his tunes, his feet still out the window. “This isn’t funny!”

Rolling his eyes, Zayn properly sat in the driver side, starting the car. “You see, Harry, the thing is,” He took a drag of his cigarette. “I am incredibly bored with life. I want to feel something, some sort of entertainment. I’m not going to move from this spot until you tell me a plan.”

Flabbergasted, Harry stood still, lost for words. He could hear the train chugging down the tracks, powering its way toward Zayn’s car. “I don’t know, Zayn, fuck!” Harry cried, “Just move the car!”

“Plan?” Zayn ran his fingers through his dark locks. He looked at Harry deviously, all the life in his eyes gone.

Harry tugged at his curls, frustration and fear clearly on his face. He fished around his body, looking for any idea. “Let’s make a bet!” He suddenly stammered. “Louis Tomlinson.”

“Oh?” Zayn raised an eyebrow licking his lips.

The horn began to blare, trying to put on its brakes, metal clearly shooting from the tracks.

“ZAYN, FUCK!” Harry stomped his foot. “The classic bet!” He yelled.

With one quick smirk, Zayn turned his key, speeding off the tracks, and hardly missing the train. A loud horn was heard as Harry fell on his knees, his adrenaline finally calming as Zayn laughed dramatically, taking a long drag of his cigarette under the stars.

“I needed that!” Zayn sighed heavily, his chest rising and falling. “Come here, Harry, and lay down with me. Let’s talk about this bet.”

Harry’s chest began to rise and fall as he ran the back of his hand over his sweaty brow. “Fuck! You could’ve killed us! You’re crazy, you know that?”

“But I didn’t….” Zayn said thoughtfully. “You feel alive now, don’t you?” He asked as he rolled on his side, propping his head up with his palm. “So, Louis Tomlinson….”

Harry shook his head in disbelief but gave Zayn a toothy grin anyway. He folded his hands on his chest, thinking before speaking carefully. “I seen you checking him out the other day at the library.”

“He’s my drama partner,” Zayn said dryly.

“I know, but you looked at him…. different…..soft almost.” Harry contemplated. “Never seen you look interested in anyone like _that.”_

Zayn chucked in his throat, coughing slightly out of nervousness. How could he lie to Harry? He was the one person who knew him inside out, and his only friend to see him be vulnerable. Harry could see through the exterior, the rusty car. He saw what was inside of the engine and loved him in ways only a best friend could. “Okay, guilty. I like him _a little,_ but I like the idea of this bet more. Shoot. What are the terms and conditions? Make it interesting, Styles. I know you have a vivid imagination. I don’t want it to be a _who gets in his pants first bet._ ”

Harry, whom seemed to be at a loss for words, could only push the curls carelessly hanging on his forehead back with his fingers. The brisk night air set ablaze in his chest, breathing becoming more difficult. Perhaps it was anxiety, the choking fear of having to make a choice that he felt obligated to.

“I don’t want to hurt him,” He replied feebly.  

“You know what? Fuck it! We don’t need a bet. We aren’t teenagers. Let’s just….have fun with him. That’s it,” He shrugged, standing up to dust off his leather jacket.

“Wait…!” Harry called after him. “That can’t be it. I know you!”

With a smirk, Zayn opened his passenger door. “That’s it, Styles. Now hop in and we’ll go back to campus.”

“That can’t be it,” Harry repeated as he slammed the car door. “What are you planning?”

Zayn turned up the music, trying to detain his devious smile.  


	2. We Danced

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks to anyone who is reading this! <3
> 
> Just an FYI: This is a Larry story mostly but it does take a few mistakes for the happy ending!

**Harry.**

The morning light had just peered through the curtains, illuminating his dorm with shades of orange and yellow auras. The crisp air was relentless, fleshy goosebumps appearing on his arms and face. He turned over, snuggling himself in his blanket for warmth – but he knew peace and solace would not last long; not when he could see Zayn on the other side of the room starting to stir himself. Like a bird trying to fly in its nest without alerting the sly fox, Harry closed his eyes, trying to not be bothered.

“Morning sunshine,” Zayn yawned.

“Morning,” Harry tried not to sound irritated.

“Sleep well, Harold?” Zayn sat up and began to brush his hair with his fingers.

“I guess. I kinda had a nightmare that I was hit by a train,” He retorted, glaring in Zayn’s direction. Zayn’s lips furrowed into a smirk. “But you wouldn’t know anything about that.”

Zayn shrugged, rummaging through his closet until he found a suitable outfit. “No, I guess I wouldn’t. I slept so peacefully, dreaming about the things I’d like to do to Louis Tomlinson.”

Harry froze, midway through putting his feet on the floor and throwing off the blankets. “I thought we agreed to leave him alone.”

Harry did not see the world the same way Zayn did, and that was becoming more and more apparent, at least to him. It was as if Zayn was missing some colors out of his palette and refused to blend his together to make new ones. He was stuck in a world of monochromatic, while Harry thought we should explore everything the color wheel had to offer, and then some.

“We did,” Zayn hummed as he began to gel his hair. “But it’s kind of impossible considering he’s my drama partner. Don’t worry, Harold, you’re dismissed from the adult games. The kiddy table has an assigned seat just for you.”

Harry clenched his fist, knowing if he showed any sign of vulnerability, Zayn would prey on it. He wondered how they got to this point. Zayn used to be someone who could bring him out of his shell, teach him how to loosen up and live a little. Yet, as the years rolled by, the saying opposites attract began to become false. Maybe it was him, he thought. Maybe he was the one being moody and uptight. Why should he care what Zayn does on his free time?

“Milk and cookies there too,” Zayn winked as he ruffled Harry’s hair. 

Shimming on a pair of black skinny jeans and a floral blouse, he sprayed cologne on his neck, wrist, and collarbones. He used mousse to tame his unruly curls and looked in the mirror. He noticed how his lips felt chapped, cracked from the wind chill from the night before.

Walking over to his bedside drawer, he fished around until he found some cherry Chapstick. Taking a mental note that it was already open, he looked in Zayn’s direction.

“Hey sorry,” Zayn put his hand on the back of Harry’s shoulder. “I’ll pay you back Friday. I owed Tristian some chill money.”

“It’s okay,” Harry said truthfully. “If you pay me back, you’ll be in the same predicament next week.” He glided the Chapstick along his lips. “Me and Niall are going to a party tonight if you want to hang.”

“Thanks for the invite but I think I’m going to crash at Perrier’s tonight,” Zayn retorted adjusting his messenger bag.

“Wish you’d put the poor girl out of her misery,” Harry mumbled under his breath as he gathered his supplies and headed to class.

 Zayn followed closely behind him, wrapping his arms around Harry’s waist. “I don’t think she minds the no commitment thing.”

“If you say so,” Harry rolled his eyes. “I just know for the last two years she’s asked to meet your family and you keep making false promises to her. Seems pretty shitty to me,” he said shrugging Zayn’s arm off his waist.

“What’s gotten into you lately?” Zayn snapped. “

“Nothing….” Harry tossed his head side to side. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. It’s stress or something. I don’t mean to take it out on you.” He stopped in the middle of the hallway, inching closer to Zayn. “Forgive me?”

Zayn pressed his body into Harry biting his lower lip as he put his hand against the wall. “Maybe,” Zayn contemplated breathing into Harry’s lips. “Maybe if you get me a date with Tomlinson.”

Harry closed his eyes, looking away as he felt something tight grow in his pants. “Mmm. Why you gotta do that before class?”

“Because,” He ran his finger across Harry’s bottom lip. “You are my best friend and I need to remind of you of that every now and then.”

“Hey, you wanna skip class and….” Harry could feel his pulse rising, face growing flush. He tried to not be a whimpering mess, but it just wasn’t in his nature.

People in the hallway were beginning to stare, he could feel it. Some would throw friendly banter at them, ‘Get a room you two’ or ‘I’m telling Perrie.’ He’d hear some wolf-whistles, some even throw homophobic slurs; yet he couldn’t seem to always be nothing but soft clay that was molded into whatever Zayn wanted him to be.

“And what?” Zayn breathed in, winking at people who passed by, a hint of glint in his eyes as he watched Harry unravel beneath him.

Harry’s mind clouded with misjudgment. He and Zayn tried the whole exclusive thing, at least he’d like to think so – and when he meant Perrie deserved better, well he was a somewhat cause for that statement. Something about Zayn made him addicted, though maybe he was finding himself stronger everyday; maybe tomorrow he could resist him.

Maybe today he wouldn’t have to. “And….” Harry’s mouth parted open as his head collided with the wall.

“Can’t,” Zayn whispered seductively in his ear. It was as if he poured cold water on Harry’s head.

Harry’s eyes fluttered open, mouth shut, as a defensive stance glared into Zayn’s mocha eyes. “You’re an asshole!” He snapped through clenched teeth as he made his way down the hallway.

Satisfied, Zayn adjusted his leather jacket, striding through the corridor as other dorm mates laughed at the show. Harry could hear their useless chatter, calling him easy. He knew he had a reputation for being the dorm fuckboy, well second to Zayn; yet, unlike him, he tried to have relationships. He never was good at being alone, and maybe just maybe, he could see himself falling in love. In fact, he thought he was in love with Zayn, but reality was beginning to catch up with him.

“He really is an asshole,” Niall made his appearance from the vending machine as he caught up with Harry. “If I were you, I’d petition for a new roommate next year. No use in him ruining all four years of your college life.”

“I should,” Harry joked. “He’s just misunderstood.”

“Sure, Lad. Anyway,” Niall dismissed as he swung his golf clubs on his shoulder. “The party tonight is just what you need. Guys and girls alike, and I’ve even invited Louis,” He smiled widely.

“Ugh. I made a mistake with that,” Harry groaned as he took his seat in the classroom. “I offered him as a sacrifice for Zayn.”

“I’m not following you,” Niall cocked an eyebrow.

“Well, last night, me and Zayn were at Widow’s Peak just hanging out, ya know?”

“Mmmhmm,” Niall leaned in.

“And he parked his car on the tracks, wouldn’t get off them. Almost as if he wanted to be hit or something, I don’t know. He said he wouldn’t leave until I gave him a reason to live. In what could’ve been my final hour, Louis Tomlinson came to my mind….and it worked,” Harry sounded surprised. “Zayn wants him.”

“What a dramatic retelling,” Niall chuckled. “But anyway, so, do you, and from what I can tell, Louis likes you too,” Niall retorted confused. “I don’t know why you let him do that.”

 _Do that,_ Harry thought. He knew all too well what Zayn was talking about. It wouldn’t be the first time. Sophomore year, he wanted to make a duet with Taylor Swift, class representative. She was pretty, though somewhat plain – but something about her sparked an interest in him. He couldn’t explain it. She was meant to be in there in a season of his life. However, the more practices Zayn attended, it became clear that he was trying to steal her for his own selfish gain.

In order to lessen the blow, he offered Taylor an exchange – she could sing with Zayn if he could sing the song, he wrote for them solo. She easily agreed, not protesting once, even dating Zayn for a short time – that is until she became too clingy. Then, she came back to Harry to only cry on his shoulder how Zayn broke her heart. _Join the club,_ he’d thought but never say to her.

“Harry?” Niall snapped his fingers in front of his face.

“What?” Harry felt his cheeks turn pink. “Oh, sorry. Must’ve been daydreaming.”

“Listen to me,” Niall’s tone turned serious. “I am not going to let you go through anymore shit because of he-who-must-not-be-named. This year, you are taking back your life if I have to force it out of you. I am going to invite Louis to the party, and you’re going to forget about what everyone else wants. We are going to have a good time tonight, alright?” He asked putting his hand on Harry’s shoulder. Nodding, Harry apprehensively agreed. “Yes, Lad, that’s what I’m talking about!”

“Alright everyone,” The Professor clapped. “Please turn to page 194.” He uncapped a dry erase marker. A quiet squeak could be heard as he began to write. “This is one of the most beautiful poems in my opinion that came from Persia.”

“The sky was lit

by the splendor of the moon

So powerful  
I fell to the ground

Your love  
has made me sure

I am ready to forsake  
this worldly life  
and surrender  
to the magnificence  
of your Being,” – Rumi

“I want you to read the poem out loud several times over the next week, then feel inspired to write your own. I want you to capture how you feel, furthermore, what emotions can you capture?” The professor hopped around the room excited.

“Harry, would you mind to re-read it?” Mr. Corden asked. “You have a great tone for reading.”

Harry could hear chatter, people agreeing with the professor about his voice – but none of it really felt like a compliment. What was so special about his baritone, deep voice anyway? Maybe compliments were not what he needed right now. Why was everyone being nice? Sometimes unique is not a good thing. Maybe he just wanted to fit in.

“Mr. Styles?”

“Oh, sorry!” Harry covered his face, getting lost in his internal monologue as always. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Niall shaking his head fondly, used to Harry staring off into space. “The sky was lit, by the splendor of the moon….”

Niall propped one elbow on the desk, enthralled by Harry’s voice. Harry could feel everyone following suit, the world stopping for a moment as he continued to read Rumi’s famous poem. “….and surrender to the magnifence of your Being.”

“Thank you, Harry. You see, class, just the simple tone can change the perspective of a poem, can’t it? I read it very straightforward. I imagine the author with their arms open, ready and willing to give their all to their lover. When Harry read it, the images of someone pleading, uncertain, but still willing to try. They want to give their all, but something is holding them back, so they try to convince themselves. ‘Your love has made me sure’ you announced Harry, but it wasn’t convincing. Your tone made it seem like the author wants to be sure, but they are stuck. Am I right?”

Breathing in, Harry stood up straight, his tall body arching out of the chair. “Yeah, I guess so. The author doesn’t have control, I don’t feel like. ‘So powerful, I fell to the ground’ Remi says, the title speaks for itself “Defeated by Love.” It’s not a positive poem, Professor.”

Harry shrugged as the Professor began to write on the dry erase board once again. “Ah, but Mr. Styles, sometimes it’s best to be defeated by love, don’t you think so class? By being stripped away of everything, we learn to live with nothing – nothing this world has to offer is good for us, but love, that is everything.”

With the thought racing in his mind, Harry began to chew on his pencil eraser. Damn oral fixation.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was almost 10:00 p.m. when Harry decided to make his appearance at the party. Dressed in white skinny jeans, a polka dotted blouse that he unbuttoned down to his navel, and black Chelsea boots, he felt confident for once. He even accented his chest with a cross necklace that dangled halfway down his breastbone. His curls were piled on top of his head, except for a stray strand that always managed to escape, and truth be told, he enjoyed the retro look of it all. More importantly, his face dazzled with a smile that he wanted to show off. Maybe he could be at peace tonight.

He pushed his way through the crowd, spotting Niall’s plaid shirt from anywhere. “Lad, you finally came!”

“I had to wait until Zayn left for Perrie’s. I didn’t want him to change his mind and come with me,” Harry chuckled.

“Ah, true. He does do that sometimes,” Niall agreed. “Drinks are in the kitchen. The punch tonight is fantastic! I made it myself. Don’t ask what’s in it. It’s an Irish secret!” He yelled over the music.

“Wasn’t going to,” Harry rocked on his heel. “I’ll catch ya later.”

He walked into the kitchen, noticing how the music was a little quieter. He wondered how Niall kept his composure in a frat house surrounded by so many people all the time.

“Harry?” A voice called as he felt someone tapping him on the shoulder.

“Oh sorry,” Harry blushed. “Am in the way?”

“No,” The voice objected.

Harry turned around, almost falling into the counter. “Louis, hi!”

“Hey,” Louis giggled. “I really like your shirt.”

“Oh, thank you,” Harry said putting his hands behind his back and swayed his body from side to side. “I can’t believe you came,” He swallowed, immediately starting to regret the words coming out of his mouth. “I mean, I didn’t know if you’d be busy or something with the theatre production or soccer, or….”

“No, no. I’m free on Friday’s, usually,” Louis licked his lips. “I like your jeans too. White is a risk, but you pull it off.”

Harry smiled at him, grateful for the compliment. “So, Niall recommends his punch,” he shifted his eyes around the room, trying to make small talk.

“Yeah, said don’t ask what is in it,” Louis recited. “Care to pour me a cup?”

“No, not at all,” Harry stammered as he reached for a solo cup. “Here ya go.”

Turning around, he swallowed thickly as his eyes met Louis’ for the first time this evening. Sapphire diamonds in the rough, sparking with flecks of green greeted him. Cinnamon roll locks piled neatly on top of a dainty head, just enough finesse to make Harry speechless.

“You look so nice,” Harry breathed in. His eyes gazed down to the bottom of Louis’ skintight jeans, noticing the way they were cuffed above his ankles, exposing a triangle tattoo. “I mean, black and red really suit you. I mean, you look dressed for the occasion. I mean….”

“Thank you,” Louis giggled. “So, where ya been, anyway? I’ve only seen you at the library a few times with Malik this year. Is he here?”

“No, no. He’s with his girl-friend tonight.”

“What? Girl-friend? You mean…. you two aren’t a thing?” Louis asked confused.

“Us? No! We’re just roommates, best-friends,” Harry raised an eyebrow. “I’m single.”

“Hmm,” Louis crossed his arms. “Try the punch. It really is good!”

Harry analyzed Louis for a second, unable to read him. Why would he think that he and Zayn were dating? Why would he suddenly change the subject?

Before his mind could ask anymore questions, Louis titled the cup up to his lips, enticing him to drink the liquid. Harry gulped the beverage several times, smiling when Louis removed it and began drinking himself. “Delicious,” He purred.

“Agreed,” Harry smiled.  “Hey, you wanna dance or something? I feel like if we stay guarding the punch bowl, a swarm of frats might try and fight us!” He joked.

“Touché, Styles,” Louis nodded as he guided Harry into the main room.

With generic music blasting in his ears, Harry could feel his chaotic mind quieten as they swayed to the beat. He could see Niall out of the corner of his eyes giving him an encouraging look, one cheering him on.

Louis grabbed Harry’s arms, wrapping them around his waist as he pressed his back into Harry’s front, his head resting lazily against the buttons of Harry’s blouse. He set a tempo they both could follow, not saying a word as Harry pulled him closer together. Sweat beaded down Harry’s chest, his necklace sticking to him as he danced around, enjoying Louis being in his arms.

His feet felt like they were floating on air, gliding across the floor as his mind focused only on this dance. All anxiety and turbulence seemed to dissipate into the midnight sky. He could feel Louis put more pressure on his body, melting them into one as he gladly pulled him closer, turning him around so their eyes could meet.

Just as quick as the moment came, it ceased as silence filled the air for a few seconds until the next track began to play. Awkwardly, Harry dropped his arms to his side.

“Not bad,” Louis teased. “Find me again tonight.”

“It wasn’t?” Harry asked surprised. “I’m not graceful, nor can I dance.”

“Who told you that?” Louis furrowed his brows. “You’re a great dancer. Please, find me again tonight,” he pleaded as he disappeared into a sea of people.

 _Fuck_ , Harry groaned as he adjusted his jeans to relieve the pressure off his groin.

“That was hot!” Niall exclaimed as he put a shot of tequila in Harry’s hand. “Even for a straight guy, I was impressed.”

“What?” Harry asked dumbfounded, still mesmerized and lost in a trance.

“Totally hot, even Zayn thought so,” Niall said pointing his finger to the corner of the room.

Harry felt like the wind was knocked out of him as he watched Zayn and Perrie casually talking. He could tell that even though Zayn looked like he was listening to Perrie, he was really shooting holes in Harry’s body with his laser beam eyes.

Nervously, he approached them. “Hey Z! Glad you could make it! Love the dress, Perrie.”

“Thanks,” She smiled warmly. “I’m going to go and get us drinks sweetie,” She tip toed to kiss Zayn on the cheek.

“So….when’d you get here?” Harry gulped.

“Eh, about halfway through the last song. Saw your white jeans under the strobe light. Nice dancing. I didn’t know you could move like that,” Zayn replied casually. “Sexy.”

Harry sighed in relief, thankful his best-friend wasn’t mad at him. “Thanks.”

“Sure,” Zayn smiled at him. “I just came to see what the big fuss about Horan’s parties were. Typical frat boy. I changed my mind by the way. I think I want to stay in the room tonight, send Perrie home. We can watch a movie if you want.”

“Sounds good,” Harry grinned at him. “But I promised Louis one more dance. I’m going to find him real quick.”

Zayn waved as he turned his smile quickly into a closed lip scowl behind Harry’s back. Rolling his eyes, he made his way into the kitchen, downing a few shots before finding his girl-friend and repositioning himself in the darkness of the corner.

As the music filled Harry’s senses once again, he laced his fingers in between Louis’, putting his hands around Louis’ hips. Louis pulled Harry in by the neck, resting his head on his chest as his hair began to lay flat from the heat radiating off their bodies.

“This is fun,” Louis yelled in his ear.

“It is,” Harry agreed.

“Hey, you wanna go to the diner after this? It’s open all night!” Louis slurred.

“Um…..” Harry looked over at Zayn, who was glaring at them, cigarette in hand. “I made plans with Zayn. We’re going to watch a movie. I’d love to sometime though!”

“I understand,” Louis said disappointed as his head fell back on Harry’s chest. “I had fun though. I hope to do this again sometime.”

“Definitely!” Harry retorted as he wrapped his arms around the small of Louis’ back.

When the song ended, Harry watched as Louis walked over to Zayn and Perrie, saying something that made them both smile as he exited into the kitchen. Zayn kissed Perrie on the cheek before walking them outside.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The walk by to the dorm was filled with silence. The only sound between them was the drag of Zayn’s cigarette searing the frail paper. Harry walked anxiously beside of him, his head down with his hands in his jacket pockets. The atmosphere between them was smothering him, much like the smoke he didn’t ask to breathe.

“Carrying on with the plan, I see,” Zayn sighed finally breaking the silence as he scanned his keycard that granted him access to the dorm.

“Plan?” Harry shot him a confused look.

“Yeah, plan. The one where we have fun with Tomlinson,” Zayn reminded him, a bitter tone in his voice. “I quite enjoyed that little show.”

Harry gulped as Zayn pressed him against the door, it shutting behind them with a slam. Zayn smelled the spot behind his ear, running his fingers against the vein pulsing down his neck. “You did?”

“I did,” Zayn whispered. “Almost made me jealous. Although,” He began to breathe on Harry’s neck, feeling satisfied when Harry rutted against him. “I’m not sure by who.”

“Mmm….m-e?” Harry stammered.  

Zayn grabbed the hem of Harry’s shirt. “You,” he ran his hand across Harry’s torso. “You’re the best part of this forsaken university. You keep me grounded,” He continued, feeling Harry’s skin tremble beneath his fingertips. “I’m just wondering if I mean the same to you anymore.” He whispered as Harry’s knees buckled, causing him to turn pilant in Zayn’s arms.

“Of course I do,” Harry whimpered as Zayn guided him to the bed.

“Then do me a favor?” Zayn slithered slowly up Harry’s body, nibbling on the soft flesh of his underarm. He waited to finish, watching pleasurably as Harry’s mouth parted, head sunk in the bed, hands gripping the sheets tight. “Stay away from Tomlinson.”

“But I thought you had Perrie,” Harry kept his eyes shut, feeling the way Zayn blew hot breath over the top of his jeans.

“Do you want to think about it while you kiss me?” Zayn ran his fingers under Harry’s waistband.  

Harry licked his lips, allowing his legs to fall open, Zayn on either side of him, his hands between his head pushing into the pillow. Like a prey waiting to catch a fly in its web, Zayn watched as Harry took in a deep breath, inviting him inside his fortress, giving his last bit of oxygen to be smothered by the venom.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can you make of Zayn and Harry's friendship?
> 
> What about Harry's personality? 
> 
> Hopefully, this story is keeping you intrigued! If it's too much, please be honest! I need feedback to improve.


	3. Under the Star

**Louis.**

Chaotic music filled the air, piercing Louis’ ear as he stumbled his way outside. With his ankles locked together, he sat on the sidewalk quietly. It was a peaceful night, though tiny droplets of rain fell rolled down his cheek.  

“Tommo, nice party, eh?” Niall asked wrapping a sloppy arm around his neck.

“Very nice, Ni,” he replied with a shakily voice. “Does Ireland always produce such lovely souls?”

Niall nodded, sipping on a wine cooler. “I’d say. Nicest country in the world!”

“Hey look, there’s Liam! Would you like to eat with us? I’m hungry!” Louis whined as he stared ahead of the car coming to a stop in front of him.

Sighing, Niall shook his head a vigorous no. “Would love to Lad, but I have to stay behind and clean this place up. Maybe next time.”  He patted Louis on the back as he made his way back inside the party.

As Liam honked and waved, Louis casually bit on his thumb nail. He swallowed thickly a few times, trying to compose himself. Perhaps the alcohol wasn’t rushing through his veins, but he wouldn’t let his friend believe any different. After all, he wasn’t named Drama King for nothing.

“I want pancakes,” Louis whined as he stammered into Liam’s car. “Pancakes! Pancakes!” He chanted.

“Lou, I think you need to go to bed,” Liam chuckled. “Hello to you too, by the way.”

Louis huffed, putting his feet on the dashboard as he turned the heat up. “What? If I get cold, I’m going to get a bit moody.”

“I know, I know,” Liam huffed. “That’s why I’m going to die in my cars inferno while you’re comfortable.”

“Now you’re getting it,” Louis stated sarcastically as he patted Liam on the back.

Shaking his head, Liam turned the car into the diner and parked. He glanced over at Louis, trying to not get caught in the act of making sure he was able to not get a public intoxication charge. To his small standards, Louis seemed to pass.

“Alright, Dancing Queen, let’s go eat!” Liam stated cheerfully as he watched Louis fumble with the seatbelt button. “Here.” _Maybe this isn’t a good idea after all,_ he laughed to himself.

“Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only SEVENTEEN!” Louis sang highly as they entered the diner. “Good evening, Patricia!” He waved at a middle-aged waitress cleaning the counter.

Liam guided Louis over to a booth, forcing him to sit down. He put his menu flat on the table, watching how fascinated Louis was with the salt shaker. “You’re going to regret that in the morning.”

“Hardly,” Louis disagreed. “I had fun.”

“Yeah but….” Liam lowered his voice and leaned forward. “Your condition.”

Louis shushed him, reaching over the table and putting his hand on Liam’s mouth. “Shh. You’re the only one who knows about that.” Suddenly, Louis stood up and scooted beside Liam on his booth. “Please keep that between us.”

“I don’t know what’s the big deal, Lou. It may be therapeutic to tell someone else,” Liam shrugged nonchalantly.

“Oh, sure,” Louis scoffed. “Hey! I’m Louis and I’m potentially going to get really sick. Don’t mind me while I become a total burden in your life.” Louis sarcastically spit back.

Sympathetically, Liam began to pet Louis who somehow managed to tuck himself into Liam’s arm. “I just think you need that, but it’s not the time to talk about it. You’re a little drunk.”

“I’m not,” Louis huffed. “Patricia, my fave! How are ya? I’ll have the usual, please. Li here will have the Burger and Fries basket, won’t you Li?”

“But of course. Thanks Patricia!” Liam beamed as he handed her the laminate menus.

Louis tried to stay in the moment, he truly did. Yet, he felt as if he had weights hanging on his eyelashes. He let out a small yawn as he snuggled into Liam’s side, trying to listen to his friend’s monologue about how far behind he is getting on his studies.

“Professor Clive said if I don’t pass the next exam, I’ll be in jeopardy of failing!” Liam whined.

He smiled as Patricia brought two hot plates of food, smiling warmly as she retreated toward the kitchen. “I forgot to get your drinks.”

“I’ll have a water with lemon and Louis will have the same, thanks.”  Liam ruffled Louis’ hair, noting how he didn’t answer him about his classes or anything else. “You’re asleep, aren’t you?” He laughed. “Come on, sleepy head. Food is here.”

They mostly ate in silence as Louis nodded in and out of consciousness. With his belly somewhat full, Louis stumbled out of the diner. The alcohol had mostly absorbed in his system, but he couldn’t seem to open his eyes.

“Li,” He whispered as he tried to get in the car.

“I got ya, Lou. Don’t worry. Here ya go,” Liam caught him just as he collapsed. “I told you, you can’t party like you used to. Do you have a death wish or something?” He joked.

“Something like that,” Louis mumbled under his breath, alarming Liam.

As a somber silence fell between them, all Louis could muster up the energy to do is put his head on the cold window. His arms fell lazily in his lap as he rubbed his eyes and fell into a deep slumber. Like a lazy kitten, Louis stretched out his arms and legs, making a small sound in his throat as he willed himself to sleep.

Well, it was more like a short cat nap. As soon as Liam parked his car in the parking lot of their dorm, Louis stirred around groggily. “And we’re back in Hell now.”

Lazily, he stretched his body, little popping sounds radiating from his spine. Liam chuckled as he unbuckled Louis’ seat belt, helping him swing his legs over the side of the car.

“Come on Dancing Queen,” Liam coached as he helped Louis into the dorm room. “I don’t think you can afford to miss anymore of your night meds.”

“Thanks Dad,” Louis snorted through drunken tiredness.

Liam hummed in his throat, trying to maintain his opinion. “Anytime.” 

As they approached campus, Louis began to think, if angels existed on Earth, Liam Payne would be among them. “You’re an angel,” Louis muttered. So much for silent thoughts.

“And you’re still drunk,” Liam chuckled. “These lights hurting your eyes tonight?” He asked as he wrapped an arm around Louis waist, trying to act casual as they passed the RA’s dorm and entered their own.

Louis nodded as he tucked his behind his teeth. “Most nights anymore.” Freefalling onto the bed fully dressed, shoes and all, he curled into his blankets. “That reminds me, the lights…tomorrow is the movie under the stars.”

“Indeed. Anyone special in mind?” Liam asked as he fought with Louis for the blanket. “Shoes off, Tomlinson!”

“I was thinking of inviting Harry. Would that be weird of me? Is that too soon?” Louis yawned as he slid his hand under his pillow and brought it closer to his head. “What do you think?”

Unlacing Louis’ right shoe, Liam giggled. “I think you think too much. Just do what feels natural. I think he likes you.”

Smiling, Louis tucked a hand under his pillow. “I like him too.”

“I couldn’t tell,” Liam laughed dryly. “Hey! Don’t you even think about going to sleep! You haven’t brushed your teeth yet.”

Scoffing, Louis dismissed Liam’s words by waving a hand in the air. “I can miss one night. Night Liam.” & still, truth being, one night was turning into a habit – and if Louis Tomlinson was anything, it was bad habits.

**~*~*~*~*~**

_Waking up was ironically the most exhausting part of the day anymore_ , Louis thought as he unsteadily put his feet on the floor.

“I can do this, I can do this,” He pepped-talked himself into standing up.

With a slight ache in between his knees and a throbbing headache, Louis stepped forward. “Fuck,” he groaned as he felt himself grow nauseous. “This hurts!” Louis called out.  “Okay, okay. No more missed meds,” he promised himself.

The walk to the bathroom appeared to be farther than usual. The only thing keeping Louis going was his will. Standing in the mirror, Louis observed his complexion – wincing slightly at the darkening circles under his eyes that he continuously blamed on his partying ways.

“Morning Lou,” Liam chirped in front of the bathroom mirror as he brushed his teeth.

“Morning,” Louis greeted with his lips pursed together, trying to form an artificial smile. “So, I may listen to you Payno because I honestly feel like a big pile of….” Before the last word could be uttered, head collided with tile walls.

As bone hitting surface echoed in the small room, his reflexes guided him to press his palm against his head as he reached out for anything to find his balance.

“Hey!” Liam snapped out of panic. “Louis, focus your eyes. Drink this!” He stumbled to fill a paper rinsing cup with water. “You alright?”

Nodding, Louis accepted the water with gratitude as he tipped the cup into his mouth. Something about the sensation of having the cold liquid on his tongue was somewhat taking away from the throbbing headache and muscle spasms.

“My Dancing Queen has crashed,” Liam winked.

“I hate this,” Louis shook his head vigorously as he crumbled the cup in his hands. “Unpredictable shit is what it is!” He scoffed as he slid down the wall, locking his ankles together – his favorite sitting position.

“You need to rest,” Liam said softly as he sat beside of his friend. “Save your energy for tonight.”

Louis could never argue the logic to skip class. Besides, he was hungover, and well, experiencing whatever _this_ is. 

Using the wall to stand up, his back slammed against it before it could be deemed inanimate and useless. “I’m so tired.”

“Get some sleep, Lou. I’ll put your medicine by the bed. I gotta go to class,” Liam hummed as he guided Louis to the bedroom, helping him lay down safely. “Doc says these relapses will be more frequent if you don’t,” –

“If I don’t take my medicine consistently, I know. Thanks. Dr. Payne,” Louis rolled his eyes, hissing as the sensation to look up stung. “But I love ya.”

“Love you more,” Liam chirped as he looked back at his already half-sleeping friend.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Louis knew he had slept through an entire day when he awoke with Liam’s lamp luminating the room instead of the natural sunlight. Groaning, he rubbed his temples.

“What time is it?” He muttered as he tried to smooth down spikes of hair.

“Nearly 7:30,” Liam said as he shut his textbook. “I found this under your door – it may cheer you up!” He said excited. “But before I give it to you,” Liam stood up and walked over to Louis’ bed. “How’re you feeling?”

Shrugging, Louis used his hands to throw his legs over the bed. “Eh, could use some food, I think.”

“I was hoping you’d say that. Look!” Liam unfolded the paper to reveal a hand-written note.

 Last night we danced,  
and I won’t soon forget  
but I couldn’t say yes  
to the diner, well…not yet.  
Please consider my offer;  
A movie under the stars.  
In the astronomy room tonight,  
Can I take you to Mars?

-All the love, H.

Liam watched as Louis eyes glistened. “I can’t believe it. I was…”

“You were going to invite him, I remember!” Liam beamed back. “Do you feel able to go?”

“I have to meet Zayn for our project tonight,” Louis considered. “I’ll still have time to catch the movie! Liam!”

“What?” He chuckled. “Just let it happen, if you feel like it. Clearly, Harry feels about not going to the diner with us. Do you want me to invite Zayn too? Might make Harry feel more at ease. Those two are always together,” Liam bit his bottom lip.

Still smiling, Louis neatly held folded the piece of paper and placed it on his nightstand. “Zayn has Perrie, so I don’t think he’ll say yes.”

“My naïve best friend,” Liam smirked. “Now, we gotta get you ready for tonight.”

“Do you think Harry would judge me if I REALLY dressed up?” Louis blushed.

“If he does, then he isn’t the one for you,” Liam encouraged. “Let’s go eat first though, Romeo.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The evening rain was beginning to pour from the sky as Zayn ran up the stairs of the university library. Not even stopping to put his leather jacket properly on, it made a stiff noise as it lay draped over his shoulder. With only one destination in mind, his eyes locked on his target. It was a beautiful target, if he did say so himself. Sitting on a bright pink oversized chair with his legs Indian style was Louis Tomlinson, his partner for Drama Class.

“You’re late,” Louis said looking up at him, anxiously chewing on his gum.

“I know, alright,” Zayn pulled a computer chair from a different table and sat with his legs sprawled out on either side of what should be where his back should rest. “I didn’t mean to keep Princess waiting. I had a few errands to run.”

Zayn quickly noticed how unaffected Louis tried to act, but the pink dusting on his cheeks was giving him away. Louis unfolded his legs, bending them at the knee and burying his face. “Don’t call me that.”

“You like it,” Zayn thumbed at Louis’ cheek. “Hey, I’m sorry, okay? Let me make it up to you.”

“We’re on a deadline,” Louis stated firmly. “The play is in two weeks. We haven’t even begun to make our props!”

“I know, I know. How about we go and get coffee, rehearse our play, and I’ll walk you to your dorm? Tomorrow, we can do the same! I won’t be late anymore!” Zayn removed his jacket, placing it on the table behind him.

He watched silently, though he wondered if Louis could hear the pounding of his heart. He tried to ignore the tingling sensation in his fingers, his toes, his stomach when he was around Louis – but that was a challenging task.

“I really like this,” He said smearing a finger over Louis’ cheekbones. “Shiny stuff. What is it?” he said above a whisper as he watched Louis’ cheeks glimmer under the fluorescent lighting. The silence was making him uneasy. “What do you say, Tomlinson?” Zayn scooted his chair closer to Louis’ ear, no longer able to handle the anticipation.

Louis unzipped his backpack, grabbing a notepad and began to scribble down something. Zayn swallowed thickly in his throat as Louis handed him the folded paper. “I have plans with Harry tonight. We’re going to watch a film under the stars. You can come if you want. Here’s my number.”  Without even time to reply, he watched as Louis’ hips swayed back and forth as he exited the library.

Frustrated with himself, he ran his fingers through his hair. “Fuck!” He snapped as the librarian shot him an evil glance. “Sorry,” He mumbled under his breath as he tossed his jacket on his body, leaving the library.

“Louis! Wait!” He jogged toward the silhouette of the person he couldn’t stop thinking about. “Are you sure I can come? A movie under the stars sounds like…a date…” He gulped.

Louis stopped in his tracks, turning around to face Zayn. “It’s in the astronomy room. There’s a glass ceiling. You can come if you want. Do you think he likes me?”

“Yeah but,” Zayn stopped as he inched closer. “I would stay away from him. You might catch something…. he brings people over to our room all the time. I basically live with Perrie because of it,” Zayn uttered through gritted teeth. He never promised he was a good liar.

“Hmm,” Louis considered. “It’s just a movie.” Before he could continue his thoughts, it was as lightning struck his brain.

Like a branch bending in the wind, Louis knelt with his head in his hands. “FUCK,” he muttered under his breath. He could feel a dizzy spell coming on. _Not now,_ he begged his body. “I gotta go but we need to finish this project. Same time tomorrow?” He asked as he tried to walk, his spine curving downward.

“You alright?” Zayn asked arching an eyebrow. “Here!” He said putting his hand on Louis’ arm, steading him as he wrapped his leather jacket around his arms. “That happens to me when I’ve had too much to drink too.”

 _Too much to drink, okay, we’ll go with that._ “All the time,” Louis lied. “You don’t have to do this, you know,” he muttered as he closed his eyes tight. Even the darkness was too bright at times. “Escort me to the astronomy room.”

“I want to,” Zayn insisted as his arm found the small of Louis’ waist.

The warmth of Zayn’s body sent a somewhat calming sensation to his muscles as he used him as a crutch. With the headache still excruciating, Louis fought the urge to heave up his dinner he just had with Liam. _Nothing’s wrong with me. This is all in my head. The medicine is a precaution. Everything is going to be fine._

“So,” Zayn uttered as he broke the silence. “I saw you dancing last night.”

“Oh yeah?” Louis asked trying to sound cheerful.

“Yeah. You were dancing with Harry. I couldn’t take my eyes off you,” Zayn answered truthfully. “Perrie said she was jealous.”

“Really?” Louis asked surprised.

“Really,” Zayn promised.

“I should’ve invited you to the diner,” Louis thought out oud. “Harry said you guys had plans though to watch a movie.”

Stopping in his tracks, Zayn steadied Louis as he placed his chin into the palm of his hand. He watched as the blue eyes shimmered under the moonlight, though they appeared unfocused. “Louis, I want you to listen to me. Harry and I didn’t hangout last night,” Zayn bit his bottom lip. _We may have made out but…you’ll never know that._

“You didn’t?” Louis questioned confused.

Zayn shook his head. “He must’ve crashed at someone else’s room on the floor. I didn’t see him until around noon when he came limping in. Look, I told you…I love Harry, but he has…. issues.”

Sighing, Louis put his head down – to both find release from his headache and disappointment. “Oh.”

Continuing to escort Louis to the astronomy room, Zayn proudly smiled to himself.

As they opened the door, bodies of students laid on blankets waiting on the movie to start. Stupidly waving in the darkness, Zayn and Louis could make out Harry’s tall silhouette as he motioned them to come over. Yet, his wide grin soon faded when he saw that Louis was cuddled in Zayn’s arm, wearing his leather jacket, and looking completely miserable.

“What did you do?” Harry mouthed without saying a word out loud. He watched as Zayn shrugged innocently. “I see you got my poem,” Harry blushed.

“I did,” Louis looked up for the first time as he bent down to join Harry on the blanket.

“Pretty,” Harry ran his finger down Louis’ cheekbones, noticing the glitter on his face.

“I ask him what it was, but he never answered,” Zayn interrupted. “Anyway, you two have fun. Pick you up tomorrow, right, Louis?” Nodding, Louis tried to remove his jacket, but Zayn gently steadied his hands. “Nah, you keep it. Might get cold tonight.”

Smiling graciously, Louis waved as Zayn left the room. With just the two of them now, they looked bashfully at each other.

Looking up at the stars, Louis tried to focus his eyes on the projected movie. White floating objects tainted his vision, and the headache was almost unbearable. “Sorry,” Louis blurted out as he tried to hide his pain. “Still have a hangover from hell. Damn Niall’s punch!” Under the jacket he could feel his wrist pulsing.

“I’m sorry,” Harry frowned. “Do you want to reschedule?”

“They’re pretty,” Louis admitted. “The stars.” _Even though I can’t see them clearly._

“They are,” Harry turned his head toward Louis. He observed how he had his hands folded over his chest, guarded.

“Did you and Zayn have fun last night?” Louis questioned, trying to not sound like an interrogation.

Feeling his tongue freeze, Harry nodded. _Things went too far. I’m a terrible person. I’m so sorry Perrie. I’m so sorry Louis…. I’m so sorry….me._

“Uh…y-y-y-yes. We watched ‘It’…in separate beds…we did not cuddle….and it definitively was not under the stars,” Harry tugged at his curls anxiously. “I mean, I fell asleep through it.”

Smiling, Louis rubbed his eyes. “Hmm,” Louis hummed (Who do I believe?). “Well, I quite enjoyed dancing with you.”

“Same. Niall called us hot,” Harry giggled.

“He’s not wrong,” Louis teased as he bit his bottom lip and burst into a fit of giggles himself. The headache intensified with each drawing breath.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what Louis mystery illness is....
> 
> Thanks so much for reading this <3


	4. In His Masquerade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the slow updates! I work in Foster Care as a therapist and work has been very difficult. By the time I come home, my brain is fried. 

Zayn stared at the sidewalk graffitied with chalk, wondering if he would get expelled if he drew his own spray paint art. Line by line, it took him somewhere creative. What could he leave on that grey stone as an everlasting memory? Eh, it didn’t matter anyway. Not like if he did draw something, he could write his signature. Life always seemed unfair and overrated.

Sighing, he dusted off his jeans as he stood up. His phone vibrated in his pocket, sending him off kilter as his eyes burned holes in the astronomy tower. A movie under the stars sounded like the cure he needed; except he wasn’t invited; only his coat was able to go.

_How do I look? (Perrie sent a selfie, winking at the camera)_

_Meet me outside the library (He replied)._

_~*~*~*~*~*~_

“This is probably the most romantic thing you’ve ever done!” Perrie squealed as she unfolded the blanket tucked inside of her purse. “I mean when you called, I was expecting to go to the train tracks, and you know…not star gaze on top of the astronomy tower.”

“Eh, it just seemed like a nice night,” Zayn shivered.

“Where’s your jacket?” She retorted giving him a kiss on the cheek. “You never leave without your jacket.”

Zayn shrugged casually as his eyes gazed down the ceiling, watching as Harry and Louis laughed at a movie scene. “I let Harry borrow it. Apparently, he let Tomlinson use it,” he pointed his finger, knowing good well he was lying.

Perrie hummed as she adjusted the blanket and snacks. “That’s so cute! You always take such good care of Harry.”

Giving her a socially acceptable smile, Zayn wrapped his arm around her as she looked up at the sky, oblivious to the scowl on his face. With his lips pressed together, he analyzed the blossoming couple under him. There was something about the way Harry was carelessly holding Louis tight that set a fire inside of his soul –a fire blazing with fury.

Excited, Perrie propped herself up on one hand, hoovering over Zayn’s chest. “You know what, Zaynie? I was kinda hoping you’d come to my parents this weekend for their anniversary dinner. They’d love to meet you and…”

“This weekend? I’m so sorry. I can’t this weekend babe. My project for drama is due soon,” He tore his eyes away from Harry and Louis, rolling his eyes as he saw the hurt look on her face. “I’ll make it up to you, alright?”

Perrie nodded, a forced smile that Zayn has come to recognize grazing her lips. Silence filled the air as she looked up at the stars, trying to find the words to say. Blinking away tears seemed to be a habit these days. “Alright,” she agreed with a strained voice. “I’ll look forward to it.”

In the familiar silence, Zayn let his mouth agape as he stared below, eyebrows furrowed. Nothing but rage pumped in his veins. He had warned Harry to stay away from Louis; well, in a sense – for he was the one who also gave permission to _have fun._ It was a walking contradiction that made absolutely no sense, and in his world, nothing ever did.  

“Hey, Pez?” Zayn called out without removing his focus.

“Yeah?” She asked as she cuddled into the warmth under his arms.

“If you had to choose between Harry and Louis, who would you choose?” He tried to sound nonchalant.

Giggling, Perrie propped herself up on one hand as she looked at Zayn playfully. “Oh…you’re serious….” She retorted, her lips falling downward. “Um, I don’t know…I think I’d know who’d you pick.”

Paying half attention, Zayn gazed into her eyes for only a moment, his fist slightly cringing at the sight of Harry ruffling Louis’ fluffy hair.

“Harry,” She muttered.

“You’d choose Harry? Why?”

“No, not me. You. You’d choose Harry. If I were to be honest, sometimes I wonder if you’re even _here_ ,” She mumbled as she looked toward the blossoming couple below her. “Can’t go a day without talking about him.”

Forcefully, he began to run his fingers through her long locks. “The most beautiful woman on campus insecure of my roommate. Per-Bear, surely that isn’t so,” He gulped as he fixed his eyes and ears on the conversation below.

_“Hey, you wanna go back to my place?”_

_“No…no,” Louis scratched his head nervously. “Um, Liam has a big exam tomorrow. He doesn’t need the noise. We can go to yours.”_

_“Oh….” Harry gulped. “You know what? Sure!”_

With his teeth biting the inside of his cheek, Zayn tried to mask the ache in his heart. With every passing second of watching Harry help Louis steady on his feet, he could feel the cold brisk air caress every atom in his body, making the moment uncomfortable and unwanted.

“Hey Per,” Zayn muttered, his eyes still staring at the blossoming couple below him. “I’m hungry. Do you wanna walk me back to the dorm?”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

“It’d be great if I could come in tonight,” Perrie purred as she slammed her body into Zayn’s, seductively running her ankle bootie across his shin.

“Err,” he stumbled in words trying to break free from her grasp, “I have to get up early. I’m making stage scenery with Tomlinson.”

With the changing of the tides, Zayn became a hot stove too hot to touch as Perrie removed her foot from his leg. “Oh. Okay. Goodnight.” She stood stunned, her body completely straight as she waited on a different response. “Goodnight,” she repeated.

“Night,” Zayn uttered absent-mindlessly as he turned the doorknob to his room. “Shit!” He muttered as he began to clean his side of the room.

Throwing piles of dirty clothes into the closet, he heavily sprayed his sheets with Febreze. When heard the familiar voices echoing down the hallway, he threw off his clothes, wearing nothing but his boxers as he slipped between his sheets, running his hand through his hair so it looked messy.

Rummaging under his bed until he found his art supplies, he placed the sketch book on his knees, aggressively beginning to shadow a face.

“So, this is my room,” he could hear Harry’s deep voice as he twisted the doorknob. “I don’t know if Zayn is….” All went silent when green met brown.

“Hey,” Zayn casually shrugged. “My jacket not warm enough?” He questioned as he looked at Louis who was unsteady on his feet. “Come here.” He suggested as he draped a blanket around his shoulders, opening a small space for Louis.

A smirk formed on his lips when Louis shrugged, letting go of Harry’s hand, and stumbling over to the bed. Harry mouthed ‘don’t’ but was only greeted with a mischievous grin.

“Smells nice,” Louis melted as he entered Zayn’s fortress. “Your blanket smells like flowers.”

Sitting down on the bed and untying his shoes, Harry butted it on the conversation. “I washed it for him last week. Before that, it smelled like weed and destruction.”

“Ha ha,” Zayn mocked him. “You’re not cold at all. In fact, you’re burning up,” Slowly, Zayn tested the waters, hooking his left around Louis’ stomach, feeling satisfied when he almost heard a purr. “Very hot.”

“Really?” Louis retorted surprised. “I’m freezing….”

Continuing to push his luck, Zayn unfolded his legs, allowing Louis to lay between them; his back pressed against Zayn’s chest. “I’m always here to help my drama partner.”

“I can’t stay long,” Louis dismissed. “I have to get back and take my medic…Well, Liam needs help with his studies or something.”

Looking at each other confused, Zayn and Harry watched as Louis blinked as if he was trying to clear his eyes from debris. They wanted to comment on how uncoordinated he seemed; how dizzy he was acting.

“Um,” Louis called out. “Had fun with you tonight, Harry. “

“Me too,” Harry promised. “Before you go, can I show you what me and Zayn like to do?” He asked as he took Louis’ trembling hand and guided him to the window.

Picking back up his sketch pad, Zayn tried to act nonchalant as he hummed lyrics. It wasn’t until he saw Harry struggle with trying to help Louis get his legs over the window seal that he decided to help.

“Beautiful,” Louis muttered, though his eyes were closed.

“Can you see?” Harry asked surprised.

“Of course,” Louis squeaked. “My contact dried out or something. I’m fine.”

Slowly, Zayn testing his boundaries, putting his hand on Louis’ trembling thigh. “You’re shaking again. Sure, you’re not cold?”

“Um….” Louis stuttered. “Maybe I am now.”

Taking it as a hint, Zayn snaked his arm around the small of Louis’ back, feeling Harry’s arm mimic the gesture. “I think I need to go now. Had fun tonight!” Louis rushed as he clumsily sat his feet back on the dorm floor. “We all should hangout again sometime. I’ll see you tomorrow, Malik. Don’t be late!”

“I won’t,” Zayn retorted as he climbed back into the dorm. “Hey, wait!” He called as he chased after a trembling Louis. Shutting the door, he gently pushed Louis into the wall. “Do you like Styles?” He whispered as he watched Louis’ cheeks were coated with a dusty rose color.  “I don’t want to see you hurt. Promise me you’ll be careful around him.”

“I promise,” Louis whispered back as grabbed the hem of Zayn’s shirt as he fell forward. “I need to go.”

Zayn inched closer to Louis’ ear, shifting his weight. “I love this on you,” He complimented as he ran his index finger down Louis’ sharp cheekbone, purposely stopping at the corner of his mouth. “Are you tired of hearing that yet?”  

He could feel the effect he was having on Louis, feeling the way his breathing was becoming heavy; the way his legs were beginning to give out, getting weak at the knees, the way his hands were trembling at his sides; the way his eyes couldn’t focus.

“Nev…never,” Louis stuttered as he turned his face toward Zayn’s hand. “Don’t be late tomorrow.”

Satisfied, Zayn twisted the doorknob to his room, unfazed when he saw Harry standing with his arms crossed, a disapproving look on his face. “What did you do?”

“What did I do?” Zayn questioned as he inched toward Harry, slowly noticing his arms uncrossing, putting his defense down. “I’m having fun, Harold. Remember?” He placed his hands on either side of Harry’s waist. “I’m horny now.”

“Call Perrie,” Harry lashed out through gritted teeth.

“You don’t mean that,” Zayn pouted, clasping the zipper to Harry’s jeans. “I like the way you think, by the way…inviting Louis to our stargazing. I don’t mind sharing if you don’t.”

“Zaynie,” Harry breathlessly retorted.

“Hmm?” Zayn muttered as he licked at Harry’s earlobe.

Harry threw his head back, grabbing at anything he could hold onto. Zayn knew exactly the spots that made Harry unhinge, and he wasn’t afraid to explore them night after night.

“Shit!” Zayn cursed as he heard a knock on the door.

Whining, Harry pulled at his belt loops, trying to get Zayn to not answer the door, but it was to no avail.

‘I’m sorry,” they heard a familiar raspy, yet squeaky voice.

Staring at each other for a second, they decided to answer the door as Harry quickly zipped his jeans back up. “Hey Lou. What’s wrong?” Zayn asked wiping Harry’s saliva off his lips.

“Um,” Louis stuttered. “I, uh, can I stay here tonight? I forgot my dorm key and Liam must be in a deep sleep…. god, how invasive…c-----can I…um?”

“No problem,” Zayn cut him off, realizing the slurring of the words. “We have a futon you can sleep on. According to Niall, it’s quite comfy.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Zayn could see Harry thinking deeply, the look of guilt plastered all over his face before he turned over to face the wall. Feeling a bit guilty himself, he kicked himself internally as he grabbed a spare pillow and his blanket from earlier.

“Is this okay?” He asked as Louis toed off his shoes.

“Yeah, fine,” Louis retorted as he instantly laid down, shutting his eyes. Zayn sat down beside of him, thumbing at the highlighter dusted across his cheeks once again.

Before Louis could even open his eyes, Harry interrupted the moment. “Your phone is buzzing away. Must be Perrie trying to tell you goodnight,” He said with venom in his voice.

“Probably. Excuse me,” Zayn sighed as he aggressively answered his phone and stepped out into the hallway. On his way out, he could hear Louis and Harry make small talk about the movie and stargazing, listening as Louis voice became meek. “Night,” He muttered to both as he shut the door. “Hey Per….”  

As he listened to Perrie continue her monologue about how she felt like her friends no longer liked her for absurd reasons, he drafted a text to Harry, and with one last thought, pushed the send button.

_You’re always my #1._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is more reliable - Harry or Zayn? Do you think Zayn is capable of genuine feelings?


	5. Invisible Barriers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want you to be aware this chapter contains getting diagnosed with a serious medical condition and some viewers may find that uncomfortable.

Louis.

Louis sat with his legs crossed, a book lazily in his lap. The courtyard was mostly silent, a light shower of rain beginning to fall. Putting his hoodie over his head, he stretched his stiff knees.

 _Harry: Thanks for inviting me last night x_  
Harry: The movie under the stars ended with us looking at the stars from my room  
Harry: Ok, I’m rambling now…xx 

_  
_ Smiling, Louis bit his thumb nail. The solitude of the morning seemed to relax his muscles, creating a calm he hadn’t felt in weeks.

“Harry, I presume,” Liam teased.

“Shut up,” Louis instantly replied, playfully pushing him. “Last night was fun.”

“I bet. You didn’t come back to the room last night,” Liam scowled. “Was worried.”

Louis giggled, his cheeks turning red. “I sent you a text.”

Shrugging, Liam nodded. “ _Don’t wait up_. Informative,” he rolled his eyes. “How’s your headache?”

“A little better,” Louis smiled. “I…kinda told them that you wouldn’t answer the door and I lost my key….” He bit his thumb nail. “Eh, I’m about to give up on Zayn and make these props myself, though.”

_Louis: You do ramble a bit  
Louis: But I kinda enjoy it…._

Just as he placed his book in his backpack, he could see Zayn and Harry running toward him. Louis tried to hide a smile as Harry sat down beside of him on the wet grass, reacting to his vibrating phone. When his eyes darted at Zayn, however, he showed no evidence of happiness.

“You’re late. Again.” Louis rolled his eyes.

Liam looked like a deer caught in the headlights, knowing that Louis’ wrath is one to be taken lightly.

Sighing, Zayn removed his leather jacket and draped it over Louis’ shoulders. “I know, and I’m sorry. Is that a new color?” He asked as he thumbed Louis’ cheekbone, taking a seat on his left side, opposite Harry. “Anyway, I would’ve been on time if someone,” he said as he pointed at Harry aggressively “didn’t take an hour shower.”

“But I didn’t- “Before Harry could defend himself, Zayn gave him a daring look with his eyes.

“But look, I brought paint and all kinds of stuff for our props. We can go somewhere dry and get this done today,” Zayn pleaded.

Louis scrubbed his face with his hands, the headache suddenly returning. When he tried to stand up, he swayed back and forth on his feet, instantly pleading to Liam for assistance.

“Your shoes slip on the wet grass, Lou?” Liam asked nervously, trying to maintain the façade Louis so desperately clung to.

Nodding, Louis giggled. It was all there was to do. As he felt pins and needles pulsing through his body, he fought back a stifled moan, trying to keep his body upright. He tried to think of anything to keep his mind off the misfiring nerves, but it was as if they were intensifying.

“Um,” Louis stuttered, trying to form a coherent sentence. “I don’t think I can….”

Harry tried to move toward Louis, but Zayn stretched out his arm, holding him back. He circled around his body, wrapping him in a tight embrace from behind. “It’s alright.”

Though he couldn’t show it, Louis welcomed the steady body behind him because the ability to stand was becoming nothing but a wish. “It is?” He stuttered.

Harry looked on at Zayn with a grimace. He wasn’t sure the intentions of the chocolate eyed man, and maybe he didn’t want to find out.

“Absolutely. You can come by later and we can finish it. You don’t mind, do you, Harry?”

Harry shook his head no, glancing over at Liam who looked far beyond concerned.

“In fact, we’ll go to the dorm now and let you rest. I’ve heard there’s a bad stomach bug going around,” Zayn muttered as he placed his chin on Louis’ shoulder. “Just call us when you’re ready.” As he removed his arms from Louis’ waist and backed away, he could feel the unsteadiness of Louis’ body. Just before falling, he grabbed ahold of his leather jacket, easing Louis to the ground. “You alright?”

“F-Fine,” Louis could feel his cheeks grow hot. “Um….” He pleaded at Liam with horrid eyes.

“This happens during Drama season, doesn’t it, Lou?” Liam replied nervously. “Trying to keep in shape by skipping meals always makes you shaky. Come on, lets’ go get you a protein bar!” Without another word, Liam pulled Louis on his feet as he guided him swiftly away from his anxious friends.

“Thanks,” Louis whispered.

When night fell, so did he. Unbalanced legs and slurring speech blared alarm bells. A simple task as brushing his hair for his guest arriving was deemed undoable. It took all his strength to call out to Liam. Maybe it was embarrassment or the sheer terror of the unknown; all he knew in that moment; it was time to ask for help.

It was the last thing he remembered of that evening.

~*~*~*~*~*~

He didn’t want to be here anymore – waiting in a small, confined space draped in a paper thin, itchy, cold, and unfashionable gown. Why did he think it was a good idea? Surely, he was just going through alcohol poisoning, or even a nightmare. Not this. Not what the people who claim to be professionals keep repeating.

Winching, Louis held onto the pamphlet with white knuckles, watching the clock tick mindlessly. The statistics say this cannot be true. Just last week - he was running lines for his University’s drama class, making props out in the field as the smell of cut grass created an aroma like no other.

 

Through the tiny opening of his curtain, he could see the doctors chatting quietly as they made invisible circles around his scans, Liam listening in horror. With each second passing, he grew more irritable. Why were they talking to Liam when he was right there? Not much to do in this moment except continue to abuse the paper crumbling in his hands.

 

“Mr. Tomlinson,” the doctor interrupted his internal monologue. With his eyes glazed over, Louis jumped, startled at the sudden voice in the room. “Your friend really cares about you.”

Nodding, Louis listened numbly, well listen may be an operative word as the scurrying of feet and a battery-powered clock invaded his attention. Every now and then, he’d nod out of politeness, but he couldn’t comprehend a single word coming out the doctor’s mouth.

 

“I thought it was just a vitamin deficiency or a herniated disc,” Liam argued as he listened to the doctors’ grave words.

 

“Up until now, for whatever reason, nobody performed an MRI on Mr. Tomlinson. It was probably his age,” the doctor continued. “Nobody suspects these things in someone so young.”

 

As Liam sat down to join him, touching his shoulder with every pause of the doctor’s sentence, Louis could feel tears in his eyes. He bit on his lip, tasting enriched iron flow in the back of his throat. The sudden throbbing in his brain felt like a balloon – a nonstop flow of helium expanding the rubber until suddenly, POP. His head ached, much like his hands, his arms, legs, even toes.

This, whatever this was, as Louis missed the name, was going to be an adjustment. An adjustment? Hell, it’s a brand-new life! It’s like his body isn’t under his control anymore. He was now a victim, help captive by his own Central Nervous System. He wanted to hide out, be on the run, create a new life with a new body.

He put pressure on his feet, his hands on the arms of the chair. This was exactly the solution he needed. Any second now, he was going to run away from this horrid hospital and start a new life back in Doncaster. Fuck college and everything else.

Any second he would get up and run away from all the medication, diagnosis, and scrubs.

Any second….

“Louis!” Liam gasped as he swiftly stood up, catching Louis’ whose knees buckled. 

It was in that moment Louis knew, whatever he was before – could no longer exist.

“Mr. Tomlinson,” the doctor called out sympathetically. “What you are going through right now is called an initial episode. As this disease is highly unpredictable, I cannot tell you when it will pass.”

“So, you’re saying this is not permanent,” Liam confirmed.

“Well, there’s no cure, but there are periods of remission and relapse. Multiple Sclerosis is quite unpredictable.”

“Thank you,” Louis squeaked, a lump deep in his throat as he hoped the doctor took the hint and left the two of them alone.

The silence ripped through his skull – vibrations of painful orange and yellow tint clouded his eyesight. The smallest of sound – the ticking of the clock, the shuffling of feet from yards away, even the sighing of his friend sent shockwaves of torment in his nerve fibers.

Though it felt like someone was twisting a knife into his retinas, tears began to run down his face as he mourned. He mourned who he used to be; a happy, carefree young adult enjoying his college years. He mourned the inability to walk, talk, and even think like he used to. He grieved for the person he wanted to be – the future actor. He mourned the fact that his own body didn’t like who he was – and chose to attack itself.

“We’ll figure it out,” Liam pledged.

Harry: I’m wearing my white jeans again xx (sent six hours ago)  
Harry: Your fave  
  
Liam’s words pierced through the pulsing membrane, tickling the fibers of his ears, creating more pain with each passing second. Was this an initial flareup? If this was what he had to look forward to everyday, well, he wasn’t sure he could do it.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry.

“I can’t believe you got out of doing your scenery again,” Harry rolled his eyes as he began to sweep his side of the room.

Placing one ankle on top of the other, Zayn placed his arm behind his head. “Did you not see how miserable Tomlinson looked? I think he has a drinking problem or something.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Harry dismissed.

“Come on, Harry, think about it. He’s been slurring his speech, shaking, unsteady…seems like alcohol withdrawal to me.” Zayn moved his legs around, uncomfortable as he got lost in his thoughts. “I think I need you and Niall to help me finish the scenery. The Shake Shack won’t make itself.”

Nodding, Harry agreed. “You’re going to be a great Danny.”

“Wanna run some lines with me?” Zayn asked excited as he jumped on his feet and retrieved his script. “Here, you be Louis. He’s Sandy.”

With a gleam in his eyes, Harry graciously took the script eagerly out of Zayn’s hands. “I’d love to.”

With satisfaction dancing in his eyes, Zayn run his hand through Harry’s hair, getting caught in tangles of ringlets.  His other hand slowly moved to Harry’s waistline, holding him steady; breathing into his ear as Harry’s fingers opened, the script falling to the floor.

“I don’t think….” Harry gulped. “This isn’t in the script.”

Fixating on parted, plump lips, Zayn dropped his own script, his thumb laying flat against Harry’s enthusiastic tongue.

“I think you need to worry about Per….”

“Open up, you twat!” They heard a female voice.

Looking at each other confused, Zayn and Harry listened to the irate monologue assertive from the other side of the door.

Twisting the knob cautiously, they were greeted with three angry women with their hands on their hips.

“Can someone tell me why my Periwinkle cries every night?”

“What? Jade, Jesy, Leigh-Ann, what are you doing here so late?” Zayn asked confused.

“Listen here!” A petite woman stomped her foot. Harry snickered, how could he not? Girls in fuzzy slippers and silk robes were scolding his roommate in the dark hours of the night.

“You heard her, Aladdin! Do you think he heard her, Leigh-Ann?”

“I am sure he did, Jade!” The woman flipped her hair.

“ANY WAY!” Jesy exaggerated her words. “You either make a commitment to her or step aside. Simple as that,” She turned around swiftly, but quickly turned back around. “Oh, hey, Harry. Love the white jeans. Goodnight to you only!” She rolled her eyes at Zayn as Leigh-Anne slammed the door behind her.

With a defeated sigh, Harry slumped down on the royal blue futon, cradling his head in his hands. He tugged at his curls frustratedly, his neck muscles tightening. “They’re right. We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“That’s not what they said,” Zayn mumbled as he slid down beside Harry, slithering like a snake after its prey. “I’m not cheating on her or whatever because we aren’t even a thing.” Slowly, he slinked his hand up Harry’s upper thigh, his other arm draping over his shoulders. “And you know that you’re my favorite, right?”

There was something familiar with the way Zayn’s fingers were tugging down Harry’s zipper, each echo of unhinged metal radiating off the walls, somehow entering deep in the veins. He could only compare it to taking a drag from his cigarette; desperate, pleading, filling up every sense until he couldn’t breathe. Zayn would never admit powerlessness, and maybe he’d never have to. If things would stay this way, he’d find contentment.

With his head melting back into the futon, Harry closed his eyes as Zayn tried to position himself between his thighs. “We haven’t rehearsed your play.” He put his hands on either side of Zayn’s wrist, pushing away lightly. “And I’m tired.”

“You’re the one that I want,” Zayn began to sing softly.” Oh, oh oh, honey.” He continued to hum as he nosed at the swell of Harry’s left love handle. “The one that I need, oh yes indeed.”

Giggling, Harry put his feet in the futon – closing his knees together. “Zaynie, I mean it. We need to stop.”

“I love this game,” Zayn grunted as he tugged at Harry’s hair, pulling him closer.

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all. I hope you're enjoying this story. I'm a little dishearten because when I see Larry fic recommendations, people mostly request "no angst" and "happy-go-lucky." In my opinion, its important to explore all aspects of life- even the uncomfortable. I'm going to continue the story because I write for me. I hope you're enjoying it. I'm afraid it's too complicated and confusing. Much love.


	6. On My Knees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm so sorry it took so long to post! Work has been so crazy. I hope you like this chapter. I've changed the tense from past to present. I think it might flow better....thoughts?

Zayn.

He breathes into Harry’s curly hair, smelling coconut and vanilla. His smile widens when he feels Harry shift his weight more on his chest, mumbling incoherent words.

 

 _If I’m not all you need, then just set me free, I’m down on my knees._ Subconsciously, he hums the tune to the song that Harry sent him months ago. He remembers the moment so clearly. They decided to take a road-trip together. It was some sort of Spring Break getaway and they agreed to make a playlist for their long journey. Harry played the Bebe Rexah song multiple times, trying to catch a glance without Zayn noticing. Yet, what Harry didn’t know – Zayn was always looking at him. 

He peeps at his phone begging to be touched on the nightstand, contemplating how much movement it will take to reach that far. The sun is just beginning to peer into the dorm window, and well, maybe that’s enough indication that its almost time to get up. The thought of not having Harry in his arms is much too unbearable. _Just tell him how you feel,_ his subconscious whispered.

 _I don’t feel anything,_ he argued. _Ever. Especially not for him._

Somehow, his lips made their way to Harry’s curls, buzzing softly in his ear as he traces patterns on his sleeping skin. _Don’t be scared to leave, If I’m not all you need, then just set me free._

“Mmm,” Harry protests at the disruption of sleep. “Tickles.”

“I’m sorry,” Zayn answers, surprised by the overtake of honesty. Biting his bottom lip, he turns his gaze toward the wall – unable to comprehend why his demeanor is soft and sensitive. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep; watching Harry for hours toss and turn in the darkness, his body glistening under the moonlight after their bodies intertwined for nearly an hour.

Feeling the tender touch of Harry’s fingers grazing across his cheekbones, Zayn turns his head toward him, their eyes meeting in green and brown hazel chasm. His eyes track Harry’s that are staring sleepily at his lips, feeling a sudden rush of anticipation.

“You’re going to leave her, aren’t you?” Harry whispers – giving away the fact that his dreams were haunted by the thoughts of infidelity he was entertaining.

He can feel Harry moving closer to him, trying to put his knee between his thighs, inviting himself in between his body.

“I want you to leave her,” Harry begs. _“If I’m not all you need, then just set me free, I’m down on my knees.”_

Gasping, Zayn closes the gap between them – hormones taking over; never admitting to the fact how turned on Harry singing that song has him, how Harry heard him singing the lyrics in his ear, how effected it has made him; all of it, too much.

“Nothing to leave,” Zayn mutters into Harry’s mouth. “But I’ll make her less confused.” Tongues dance together, soft, sensual kisses making him feel over the moon. _You are not in love with him._

Happiness radiates off Harry’s face that doesn’t go unnoticed. Zayn can’t help but push himself into Harry more, their chests colliding at an awkward angle.

“I want you so bad,” Zayn calls out. “Do you want me too? The way you dance with Tomlinson, can’t tell.”

“So bad,” Harry repeats. “I like him, though.”

“You’re learning,” Zayn says satisfied. “You can have your cake and eat it too.”

“No,” Harry nods his head in disagreement, suddenly sitting up and wrapping the blanket around him. “ _I’m down on my knees.”_

Sighing, Zayn realizes that even his own spell has been broken. The ability to not feel anything returning, icy cold emotions running through his veins once more.

“I have to get ready for class,” Harry lightly punches the mattress, frustration becoming dominate.

“I don’t want you to,” Zayn wraps his arm around the small of Harry’s waist, trying to push the blanket down. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I just don’t believe that there is one person in the entire universe for me. That’s a fairytale, Harold.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry.

Niall notices the second he enters the room and sits at his desk. It’s probably the way Harry cannot stop looking at his hands, his lips quivering; the way that he is dressed, disheveled and unkempt. It is not like Harry to look defeated – his energy often being contagious. The smell of sex invades Niall’s senses, and though he wants to be happy for his friend, he can only hope.

“Please tell me you got it on with Louis,” Niall groans. “Not he-who-must-not-be-named.”

“It’s complicated,” Harry dismisses as he skims his textbook, trying to find the poem of the week.

“It’s not,” Niall says as he leans closer. “You’re being put through a mindfuck so hard that you cannot even recognize you’re being mind-fucked! I’m worried about you, Harold.”

Before Harry has a chance to reply, Doctor Corden comes in the classroom like a hurricane, his briefcase hitting the floor with a thud. His voice ricochets off the wall, “Sorry I’m late. Couldn’t find a parking spot,” Doctor Corden says sincerely before standing behind the podium. E.E Cummings,” He blurts out. “Arguably one of the most famous poets of the 20th century.”

“You should come to my party tonight,” Niall whispers. “Relieve some of that stress.”

“Might have to skip this one. Louis keeps canceling their scenery making and Zayn has recruited me to help. He’s also asked me to ask you….” He trails off.

“Not tonight, Harold. You need to come to my party. Trust me, Louis could use you.”

“Mr. Styles, Horan, am I invited to your party too?” Doctor Corden asked as the two men fell silent. “As I expected,” he looks down at his shoes. “Well then, Mr. Horan – read the assigned poem.”

love is more thicker than forget

more thinner than recall

more seldom than a wave is wet

more frequent than to fail

 

it is most mad and moonly

and less it shall unbe

than all the sea which only

is deeper than the sea

 

love is less always than to win

less never than alive

less bigger than the least begin

less littler than forgive

 

it is most sane and sunly

and more it cannot die

than all the sky which only

is higher than the sky

 

“Beautiful,” Doctor Corden claps.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry only has one goal in mind after his last class ended at 4:00 p.m. sharp; take a shower. He can smell Zayn’s cologne linger on his neck, his come dried on the back of his thigh, his cigarette-smoke breath on his taste buds. Though he usually lives for this, right now, it’s making him nauseous. 

 

The walk to the dorm is not a long one, in fact, he’s thankful that he attends such a small performing arts school. He will have enough time to shower, take a nap, and confirm with Niall that he will be at the party. After all, Niall does have his best interest at heart – and he does understand why Zayn is called he-who-must-not-be-named; but the truth is, he’s never felt more confused about anything in his entire life.

 

“Harry!” A familiar voice caught his attention.

 

Looking behind up, he sees Liam waving at him. “Hey!”

 

“Um,” Liam looks around nervously. “Louis wanted me to give this to Zayn, but he forgot to mention your dorm name…. what floor you’re on…or even your room number,” He chuckles as he hands him Zayn’s leather jacket.

 

“Haven’t heard from him lately,” Harry thinks out-loud. “Not since he was shaky and had to cancel on practicing. Is he okay?”

 

“I believe so,” Liam replies, anxiously running his fingers through his hair. “Said something about going to Horan’s frat party tonight. I asked him to rest, but he’s a stubborn little dancing queen, isn’t he?” Niall asked rhetorically.

 

“Great! I’ll see you guys around!” Harry calls out. “I live in Duncan Hall, by the way,” Harry turns back around. “Room 545.”

 

Nodding, Liam rushes away, his phone suddenly pressed to his ear. Harry looks down at the leather jacket, sighing as he is once again swimming in Zayn’s aura. There’s nothing for him to do to escape from it, not now. He’ll just throw the jacket on the back of Zayn’s computer chair and scurry out of the room.

 

That’s all he intends to do anyway, but as fate would have it, the moment he moves his hand to drape the jacket over his shoulder, he hears a crumpling noise. _Oh my,_ he thinks. His hands snake into the pocket as he looks around uneasy.

 

Folded neatly is a small sticky note, pink pastel in color. The writing is somewhat jagged, ink written in purple that fits the pink seamlessly. There is highlighter smeared all over the page, glitter shimmering in the sunlight.

 

_Sorry I’ve been a terrible drama partner lately. I’ve neglected my Sandy duties. Forgive me? I’ll save a dance at Niall’s party if Perrie won’t mind. – L._

 

What a tangled web.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Louis.    

 

“What was he wearing?” Louis asks quickly as Liam enters the room. “Don’t tell me it was the white jeans, don’t tell me!”

 

“No,” Liam laughs as he sits on Louis’ bed. “He looked rather…. different. Greasy.” He replies as Louis looks around the room, perplexed. “He asked about you.”

 

“He did?” Louis ask excited, holding onto Liam’s arm.

 

“Yes,” Liam pats his knee. “But you have to remember what the doctor said about your Multiple…”

 

“Don’t say it, Li!” Louis caps his hand over Liam’s mouth. “I know it’s unpredictable, and that’s why I want to dance with him while my legs are working today. It’s a decent day. Maybe I can even take it a step farther tonight. What do you think?”

 

Liam stands up as he pulls Louis on his feet. “I think that’s for you to decide, but I’m going to go to this party with you. I must admit, I’m still scared. This is all so new to me, and I don’t want you to be alone.”

 

“Thanks Dad,” Louis rolled his eyes. “I get diagnosed with one little autoimmune disorder, and suddenly, you’re my keeper.”

 

Scoffing, Liam offers his hand, pulling Louis to his feet. “Not true. Who has always looked after you, so you didn’t get alcohol poisoning?” He asks as Louis stares ahead, arms folded in pure stubbornness. “Who keeps you from getting arrested for drinking too much and chauffeurs you around?”

 

“Fine!” Louis sighs as he uncrosses his arms and wraps Liam in a tight embrace. “You are my fairy godparent, and I’m so grateful for you. I love you!”

 

Liam wipes a tear on the top of Louis’ head, feeling a sudden rush of being needed. “Love you too. Having MS won’t ever change that, okay? You’re still my best-friend, my brother. We’re going to have a good time at the party tonight.”

 

 _The party,_ Louis thought. He didn’t mean to lose contact with Harry, but the ability to reply took much effort. On the other hand, now that the initial episode of a MS attack is over, he feels like himself and is ready to mingle.

 

He just hopes his body will cooperate.

 

“Zayn really likes when I wear highlighter,” Louis thinks out loud as he walks over to the full length mirror hanging on the bedroom door.

 

“He’s sexy,” Liam blurts. “I mean….”

 

“What?” Louis squeals. “This is almost too perfect! We can double-date! Oh wait, he's with Perrie.”

 

Liam comes up from behind him, using the mirror to get himself ready as well. “I’ve only seen them together once or twice. I don’t know – I think he likes you.”

 

“Well, that’s an act. We have drama together and are responsible for being Danny and Sandy, you know?”

 

“Whatever you say,” Liam sighs. “Just be careful. I think he looks at you like he wants to devour you or something. Oh, the things I’d let him do to me.”

 

Louis winks at him in the mirror, wishing that Harry would look at him like that too. – Then again, he’d plan on making his move tonight.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits: 
> 
> Poem: E.E. Cummings "Love Is Thicker than Forget."
> 
> Song Lyrics: Bebe Rexah "Knees" 
> 
> Hope you're enjoying this story! If it is too angsty and just drags on, please feel free to let me know. I love constructive criticism! What do you think of the Zarry, Larry, Zouis triangle? Don't worry! It's a LARRY story! I am a Larrie - not a shipper. I assure you lol. As the description says, it just takes a few mistakes to make it to the happy ending. Much love.


	7. Crazy For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What even is this chapter? I do not know lol TRIGGER WARNING for symptoms of MS.

Louis.

 

The walk to the party is not as uncomfortable as Louis imagined it would be. Liam has his arm wrapped around his shoulder, just in case he needs a crutch. The medication seems to be working, however, and Louis is ecstatic to have his balance back.

 

His thoughts drift as they cross the street, leaving campus behind for a few hours. Tonight, he feels like himself again, confident and whimsical. It’s the first glimpse of hope since the _episodes_ started.  Somehow, the unknown was responsible for most of his darkness; so, finding an answer gave a morale boost to say the least. The diagnosis remains fresh, however. He’d been experiencing symptoms for weeks, maybe even months if he wanted them to correlate – sudden shaking, double vision, little floaty things in front of his eyes, his memory poor. The ability to remember lines was diminishing and his acting was suffering for it. There were times when he couldn’t get out of bed for the migraines. Various doctors gave him easy diagnoses – vitamin deficiencies, herniated disk, even too much drinking, but they couldn’t explain the entire cluster.

He almost trips on a pebble laying on the sidewalk, but Liam jerks him up quickly. “It’s common, you know,” he says as if he’s a mind reader.

“What’s common?” Louis squeaks, clutching onto Liam for minor support as he tries to rebalance himself.

“M.S. most often begins in early adulthood,” He squeezes his shoulder softly. “You’re still Lou, though. Have a lot of life to live.”

Nodding, Louis stares ahead – hopeful and nervous as Niall’s frat house appears in his line of vision. He has many plans for tonight, but mostly, just wants to be in the present – enjoy himself like he used to without a care in the world. Maybe even flirt a little with the curly haired boy he couldn’t dare to text the past couple of weeks. It was almost as if the stages of grief momentarily took over. He couldn’t fathom having such a disorder, much less be a burden to someone else; especially someone so full of life as Harry. That would be a tragedy. 

The rustic, Victorian style fraternity house greets Louis and Liam with a warm welcoming. Bodies of students are dancing carelessly, red solo cups in their hands. Beer cans are scattered on the front lawn, the porch, and the trash. _Definitely what I need,_ Louis sighs happily, longingly. Liam drops his arm on Louis’ waist, finding a crowd of peers, leaving Louis as he was instructed.

“Lad!” Niall exclaims excited. “Try this. It’s so fresh!”

Louis looks down at the clear glass, impressed by the presentation. In his hand holds a drink that is clear, with a garnish of mint, and a cucumber inside. “This is one of Harry’s,” he giggles. “Isn’t it?” He ask smelling the aroma.

“But of course,” Niall replies. “He insisted on making some. I like it though,” He waits patiently for Louis to try the drink, satisfied when he sees a small smile. “A little birdie told me you haven’t been replying to text though. You know I’d have to kill you if you hurt him, right?”

Sighing, Louis slides down the wall, taking another sip of his drink. “I’ve been sick.”

Niall shifts his eyes down to Louis’ defeated demeanor, taking notice that maybe Louis needs to talk. He adjust his polo shirt before sitting down beside his friend. “Yeah, I know. Liam told me.” He sighs as Louis grows wide-eyed. “Hey! Don’t fault him. He needs someone to talk too, you know. I just want you to know that Harry will still like you if you tell him, too.”

“We’re not even serious yet,” Louis defends his choice. “And how do you know? We’re still so young. Who would want to date someone…like this?”

“Oh, Lad,” Niall says rubbing circles on his back. “I’m just bringing down the mood all the way around tonight, aren’t I? All I know is – if you two dance tonight like you have been…there’s just no denying your chemistry,” Niall pauses for a second, unsure if he should open pandoras box. “I just don’t want Zayn,” he rolls his eyes at the thought, “to destroy him anymore.”

“What are you….?” Before Louis can finish his question, Niall is being cheered on by his frat mates to participate in an around of beer pong. Happily obliging, Niall is gone just like that, leaving Louis in the floor.

 

Liam: Not what you came here to do  
Liam: Time to get up  
Liam: Harry is to your left. I’m staring right at him.  
Liam: Ok, Ok, I’m staring at his friend  
Liam: Just get out here  


Lightly chuckling, Louis adjust his fringe nervously as he walks toward Harry, giving Liam a complimentary _k_ in reply. He tugs at his shirt, clearing his throat before pulling down his top hem to expose more collarbone. He looks down at his shoes – yes, they’re still tied and nothing to trip over. So far, so good.

He notices immediately the intense mood surrounding Harry and Zayn. Something seems different about it, though he isn’t sure what. He clenches his fist, feeling territorial, nonetheless. Something about the way Zayn has his arm wrapped around Harry, shouting seductively in his ear is putting his jealousy into overdrive.

“Sandy!” He sees Zayn approach him. The smell of vodka is prominent on his breath. His eyes are bloodshot, and he’s slurring his speech. “You made it! Harry, look!”

Louis feels his cheeks flush at the sight of Harry, hickeys littered across his neck, even on the space exposed of his chest.

“Hey,” Harry smiles shyly.

“Hey,” Louis answers above a whisper, not even sure his throat is working anymore.

“I love this!” Zayn squeals. “Don’t you, Harry? Your shiny stuff. It’s a new color. I love it. I just want to….” He puts his hands on either side of Louis’ face, nosing his right cheekbone before sending a trail of kisses down his jawline.

“It’s rose gold,” Louis chirps as Harry puts his head down in some sort of surrender. _He’s unreadable tonight,_ Louis thinks.

Zayn continues to let his lips roam over Louis’ face, the vodka filling his nostrils, making him crave more alcohol for his own.

“I just want to,” Zayn breaths in. “Kiss you.”

Louis grabs ahold of Zayn’s waist, pulling him in to only push him away at the same time. His eyes never leave the sight of the beautiful chestnut-haired man gaping at them. Well, that is until he sees the hickeys. _It’s my fault,_ he thinks. _I should’ve answered his texts. Now he thinks I’m not interested. Why am I not pushing Zayn away? Oh wait, I am, but then I’m not. What is wrong with me?_

“Harry, would you like to get a drink with me?” Louis finds it in himself to take initiative, trying to escape the situation that he isn’t so sure he wants to.

“My pleasure,” Harry says sheepishly, avoiding eye contact as he laces Louis’ hand in his own.

Louis guides Harry to the kitchen, no words spoken between them on their journey. They can feel Zayn staring at them for a second before he turns his attention to some woman sitting beside of him. He’s inching closer to her, but then stops and resumes his staring.

“He left Perrie in a text this morning,” Harry blurts out. “He’s looking for a rebound.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis says suddenly. Time doesn’t appear to be as important as it used to be. Tonight, his body is free of pain and it’s time to take advantage. “About not texting earlier. I uh…” He pours himself a shot of tequila. “Haven’t been feeling well lately.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Harry offers, squeezing his arm.

“Yeah, I’d love to,” Louis smiles. “But not tonight. You’ll have to wait on that story. I do want to know about these,” He runs his index finger down Harry’s chest, causing him to jerk at the sudden invasion.

Gulping, Harry looks down at the purple, angry skin. “I’d love to, but not tonight.” He winks.

“Cheeky,” Louis giggles. “Well, I have to admit, Harry Styles,” He flashes a smile as he feels the tequila rushing through his veins, intensified about the muscle relaxers the doctor prescribed to him. “I’m jealous as fuck, but I want to dance with you.”

Louis watches as Harry’s jade eyes turn a deeper green, his pupils dilating under the strobe lights as they make their way into the main room. Harry positions himself behind Louis, letting his head rest on the top of Louis’, his hands wrapping around his waist as he pulls him in.

They sway to the beat as Louis rolls his hips down Harry’s torso, resting his hands on the top of Harry’s thighs in an angle he doesn’t even know is possible. Harry’s grip tightens, his hands roaming up the hem of Louis’ frayed shirt, feeling his abs tighten.

Harry locks eye contact with Niall for a moment, smiling at the scene he’s the star off. Niall gives him a thumbs up and shakes his head before turning his attention to the man beside him. It isn’t until Louis runs his hand to the back of Harry’s neck that he lets out a small whimper.

“I like our chemistry,” Harry purrs loudly in Louis’ ear, sending a tingling sensation all over his body.

“Mmmhmm,” Louis agrees as he tilts his head back, muttering into Harry’s chest. “Would love to ditch this party and go upstairs,” His eyes fling open, surprised by his assertiveness. “I mean….if you want to. I mean, I would love to. I mean, it’s your choice!”

Harry giggles slightly as he takes Louis’ hand and stars to walk upstairs. Before they can make it on the first step, however, Zayn has other plans. He stumbles between them, wrapping his arms around Louis in a provincial fashion, smirking at Harry, 

“I need to speak to you about the play,” He says.

“Can it wait?” Louis interrogates trying to wiggle out of his grasp. “I sort-of….”

“I mean…” Zayn leans forward. “I don’t want to hurt Harry’s feelings.”

Sighing, Louis mouths _I’m sorry_ to Harry as he follows Zayn to the front porch where the music is mostly faded. There are a few people passed out on patio chairs, making Zayn and Louis grin before the conversation gets serious again.

“I just want to warn you,” Zayn says as he looks around. “You need to be careful around Harry.”

“Why?” Louis asks surprised. “You keep saying that.”

“See all those hickeys all over him?” Zayn’s eyes turn dark when Louis nods. “He’s the dorm-whore, I’ve told you. If you sleep with him, you might catch something, Louis. I’d hate that for you.”

“He said he’d tell me later about them,” Louis looks at him suspiciously.

“I just like you, okay,” Zayn leans closer, lightly pushing him against the side of the frat house. “I don’t want to see you hurt,” He says tugging at Louis’ jeans. “And I surely don’t want to see you contract a disease for falling for Harry’s charm.”

“I appreciate it,” Louis begins to stumble over his words, alcohol beginning to hit him harder than he ever imagine. _Stupid medicine,_ he thinks. _I’m an idiot._ “But I’d like to get to know him and make that judgment myself.”

“You don’t understand,” Zayn exacerbated. “You’re my Sandy, Louis. I’m your Danny.” He bites his bottom lip. “A T-Bird always protects his Pink Lady. Don’t you wonder what it would be like?”

Louis closes his eyes as his hands begin to tremble, his knees growing weak. “What -- what would be like?”

“This,” Zayn breathes heavily, only stuttering for a millisecond before he collides his lips with Louis, taking note that his breath smells faint like cucumbers. “And this,” he whispers eagerly as he moves his lips down Louis’ neck. “I feel you getting hard for me, Louis.”

Louis closes his eyes tight – he cannot deny that he is erect; but he isn’t sure why. His knees are trembling, the room is spinning. His head feels like it’s filled with helium, floating around to only burst with passing second.

“I, I,” Louis trips over his words.

Zayn continues to latch himself onto Louis’ neck, licking small stripes down his vein. The euphoria sends him in another dimension, though only short lived.

“What the fuck” Zayn hisses as ice cold punch drips down his face, soaking his clothes, and making him a sticky mess.

 He wipes his eyes to see three women standing before him. Their demeanor is not at all inviting, the quite opposite exactly. “A text,” Jesy scoffs. “You choose to leave her with a text. What kind of man are you? And what the fuck is this? I thought you were just drama partners. You’ve been cheating on her this whole time! I thought you were better than that, Louis!”

“I….I….” Louis wants to explain. Why can’t he think? Why brain fog, why?

If looks could kill, Zayn is sure he’d be dead by now. These women were psychopaths, and nothing was going to stand in their way of revenging Perrie’s honor.

“We weren’t even together!” He whines as he stomps his foot. “Not even for a day.”

“You’re more low than gum on the bottom of my Prada shoe!” Jade says as she rolls her eyes. “More bothersome than rain on a good hair day. Less class than a pig rolling in mud.”

“Definitely not worth shit,” Leigh-Anne butts in. “Come on, girls. He isn’t worth getting wrinkles over.”

Before leaving, Jesy turns back around. “If you ever try to go near her again,” She makes a knife gesture to her throat. “There’s that.”

The clicking of heels on wood echo out into the midnight sky as Zayn tugs off his leather jacket and shirt, squeamish at the stickiness that is seeping into his pores. He pulls at his hair, scrubbing his face harshly.

He holds his hand out for Louis, who is propped up against the wall -  the look of confusion plastered on his face. He walks toward him, putting his hands on either side of his waist, holding him still.

“I’m sorry the Sanderson sisters upset you,” He giggles, hoping the Hocus Pocus reference will lighten the mood. “You did promise me a dance tonight,” He pulls the note out of his jacket pocket. “But I don’t want to do it here. I want to go back to my dorm. Can we?”

Apprehension radiates through Louis’ eyes, the sudden overtake of chemicals overpowering logic.

“Yo, Lads,” Niall casually opens the sliding door to the frat patio. “What was that about? Leigh-Anne told me to kick you out,” He smiles at Zayn. “Care to explain?”

“They’re psycho,” Zayn scoffs. “I was just out here with Louis,” he points.

“You don’t look so good,” Niall softly puts his hand on Louis’ shoulder, balancing him. “Do you want me to get Liam?” Niall pulls his phone out of his golf shorts, sending a text.

Niall and Zayn watch in horror as Louis falters backward, unable to determine if it’s a combination of his muscle relaxers and alcohol or if he’s having a flare up. All he knows is that his legs feel like they’re on fire, his wrist too, and he cannot even think, not logically anyway.

Suddenly, nothing seems real. Louis feels as if he is watching himself die, a slow motion, painful death – from the inside out.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry - Larry is coming! <3


	8. I'm An Open Sea

Harry.

He wakes up suddenly; his body is entangled in the sheets that he and Zayn lay under. His curls are sticking to his face, his head throbbing from the hangover he’s experiencing.

“Perrie!” He tosses himself around on the mattress. “I gotta find Perrie,” he frantically tries to unravel himself out of the eggplant color Egyptian cotton blanket.

Zayn’s eyes fling over as he places a hand on Harry’s torso. “What’s wrong?” He asks softly. “Come here,” Zayn smiles sweetly at him as puts his arm around Harry’s neck, pulling him closer.

Harry kicks his way out of the covers, franticly standing up on his feet, though unsteady. His bare chest is glistening in the moonlight. He wraps his arms around himself, tears stream down his face without warning. He tries to speak, but his trembling lip is making that rather difficult.

“I’m a shit person,” He wails as he falls to his knees, his head colliding with the mattress. “I’ve got to make it right.” Without a second thought, Harry heads toward the door, fully unclothed. His head continues to pound, a pulsing sensation ringing in his ears, and he’s pretty sure at any second, he’s going to throw up cucumber-infused alcohol.

He twists the doorknob to exit into the dorm hallway, yet, he doesn’t go anywhere. Tan arms are anchored around his middle, picking up long, kicking legs and ushering him to the turquoise bed instead. “Here. I will give you space. You are in your bed now.” 

“Let me go!” Harry cries out. “Perrie….” His arms tornado around as his legs bicycle in the air.

Zayn grabs his wrist, gently, pinning them above his head as he straddles himself on the top of Harry’s thighs. “Harry,” He says his voice firm. “Stop.”

Harry shakes his head ‘no’ in a frenzy – colliding with the mattress over and over, the tears streaming like a dam that’s been broken. “Harry,” Zayn whispers into his neck, signaling small vibrations to his spine. “Please, stop. You’re scaring me. It’s 3 am. Everyone is asleep. What’s wrong?” He questions but Harry doesn’t stop banging his head along the mattress, trying to break his wrist free. “Baby,” Zayn mutters.

“Don’t call me that!” Harry demands, somehow thudding his skull even harder than he has been. “I’m a shit person, Zayn. The lowest. I am the reason you and Perrie broke up. I’ll never forgive myself. I’m the other woman! I have to let her know! Jesy said she won’t come out of her room, won’t eat.”

“What?” Zayn interrogates suddenly off guard. “No, Harry. We were never together. She and I were never a thing, you know this. You have nothing to feel bad about. Come here,” he unpins his wrist, putting Harry’s head in his lap as he strokes his curls softly. “You don’t owe her a thing.” He wipes Harry’s cheeks away with the pad of his thumb. “You had a bad dream – that’s all!”

Harry hears his phone vibrating on his desk – a sudden invasion of reality washing over him. He reaches for it, climbing over Zayn’s lap in the process. It’s just a notification of pictures he’s tagged in from the party. He shows them to Zayn as they scroll together, stopping at one in which Zayn has his lips attached to Louis’ neck on the patio.

“A T-Bird always protects its Pink Lady,” Harry reads the caption. “Is that what you told him? Is that the people overhead at the party? Is that why you had to talk to him? We were going to go upstairs, Zayn! You made sure that didn’t happen, didn’t you? Oh my God!” Distraught, Harry lays his phone down. His breathing is unsettled again, raspy and uneven. “It all makes sense.” 

“Harry, listen,” Zayn places his hands on the top of Harry’s naked shoulders. “I’m protecting you because I love you, okay? I love you so much and I don’t want to lose you. Not to Perrie, Not to Louis, not to anyone. I’m ready to commit, and it’s to you, okay?” His mocha eyes bat their lashes at Harry’s glistening emerald ones.  

Harry opens his mouth to speak but the words won’t come out. He lets out a silent scream, only a small screeching noise to be heard. The alcohol from the party is not helping him regulate his emotions, not at all.. If walls could talk, he’d probably be in a straitjacket – but here he is in front of Zayn, like he’s always been, showing his true instability, to only be told he’s loved. He’s loved, he repeats. “You love me?”

“I love you,” Zayn deadpans. “I only kissed Louis at the party because we were practicing our chemistry for the play. Look how you’re being Harry. Who else would ever be able to handle that? Just me…”

Harry smiles at Zayn, sticking his tongue to the corner of his mouth to engulf a solitary tear lingering. He watches as Zayn smirks back – a sudden moment of clarity forming in his brain. He stands up slowly, still looking at Zayn as he walks to his closet, turning around to only find dorm sweats and a t-shirt. He slips on his shoes, walking backwards to the door. Before Zayn can stop him this time, he makes his exit, locking the door from the inside just in case Zayn runs after him – that will at least stop him for a second.

It is at this moment in time he lets his conscience guild him across campus. Though its early in the morning, and everyone is still asleep, he’ll wait all night if he has to. Besides, anything is better than being in the same room as Zayn Malik right now.

 

Zayn.

A car stops in the middle of the train tracks. It is black, nothing special. To say that it’s aesthetically pleasing is a long stretch. The paint is peeling, revealing its age. It is loud, often smokes under the hood, and the roof leaks on a hard-rainy day.

Inside, Zayn is taking a long drag of his cigarette, looking out at the midnight stars. This car is everything to him. It contains his most prized memories. Driving his grandfather to the corner store when he lost his sight, taking his high-school sweetheart to prom, or even drinking his first pint of vodka.

Tonight, though, as the red flame glimmers in the darkness, he thinks of a certain curly haired man with plump lips and ravishing curls. His hand begins to shake as he draws another hit, thinking of all the ways Harry filthily kissed him in this car.

His brain thinks back to two years ago, freshman year as they hide out in this very spot drinking tequila and smoking a joint. Harry searched for solace from his roommate when his boyfriend Damien left him, citing ‘growing apart’ as the reason. He was bawling his eyes out, and had yet to put any effort into making new friends due to being wrapped up in his boyfriend. 

_“He told me I’m too clingy,” Harry cried as he takes another shot of the tequila, sucking on the lime that is hanging off the side of the bottle sloppily._

_“He’s an ass,” Zayn replied, looking at the way Harry’s plump lips wrapped around the bottle. “Nothing wrong with clingy.”_

_Harry looked over at him in a way he he’ll never forget; like he suddenly hung the stars. “I’m glad we’re roommates,” Harry affirmed. “You get me.”_

_Zayn took a long drag of the joint, blowing the smoke out the window as he looked over at Harry who had glazed eyes and a beautiful smile. Without thinking, he opened his car door, walking to the other side and opening the passenger side as well. He turned the radio up and held out his hand for Harry to grab._

_“Can I have this dance?” Zayn bowed sweetly as Harry looked up at him, putting the tequila cap back on, dropping the lime on the ground, and smiling. He was smiling though tears dripped down his face. It was truly majestic._

_“I know I've got my problems and it starts with me_  
She saw something inside that I can't see  
I laid at night now she'll comfort me  
Hold onto me, hold onto me

 _I got a nervous habit and I drink too much_  
She said she hates her life and wants to change her ways  
She wakes in the night and whispers oh so quiet

 _Hold onto me, hold onto me_  
Don't you ever leave, don't you ever leave  
I know I've got my problems and it's probably me

_So hold onto me, hold onto me,”_

_Zayn looked up at Harry’s lips, a uncharted feeling swimming in his stomach. “Damien never deserved you,” he talks over the music._

_“Zayn….” Harry slurred. “I’m gay.”_

_Scoffing,  Zayn rolls his eyes. “No shit! We were just talking about your boyfriend.” He soon softens his expression when it hits him how Harry is sometimes treated in the dorm hallway, the sarcastic jokes thrown his way._

_“It doesn’t make you uncomfortable having me as your roommate?” Harry asked with puppy eyes as they continued to twirl around to the music._

_Zayn took Harry’s face in his hands, putting his lips up to his right ear. “I’ve been here for you since the beginning. I’m not going to stop now because someone broke your heart, Harry.”_

_“I’m just being a baby,” Harry wiped away a tear._

_“I stay up too late and it hurts to breathe_  
Said it's 4 A.M., girl go back to sleep  
Sometimes at night I can hear her dream

 _Come rescue me, come rescue me_  
Don't you ever leave, don't you ever leave  
I know we got our problems and it's probably me  
So hold onto me, hold onto me

 _I'm a drifter spying an open sea_  
And I see my reflection staring right back at me  
With no place to go and you're left all alone  
There's no place like home.”

_Harry gasped when Zayn intertwined their lips together, eager and confident, but somehow shy at the same time. He whimpered when Zayn wrapped his hands around his waist, steading him against the retro car._

_“Do you like me?” Harry nervously questions, his voice shaky from the alcohol. “Are you gay, too? Am I reading this wrong?”_

_“I don’t label myself. I just know one thing,” Zayn stops dancing and pushes himself against Harry even more. “You’re my favorite person to be around. You get me. My mind is a fucked up place to be, and you always calm me down.”_

_“So after tonight, this won’t stop?” Harry bites his bottom lip. “It won’t be weird being my roommate_?” 

_Zayn puts his index finger on Harry’s lips, shushing him instantly as he slowly places the tip of his thumb between his teeth. “We like each-other, don’t we? It can be our secret.”_

He looks to this left, over to this right, - eyeing the empty passenger seat that Harry should be sitting in. He rolls down his window as he shifts his body. His jacket suddenly feeling binding, trapping him in his own misery.

He admits to himself how easy it was to get Harry onboard, how Harry stopped talking to the same sex in a flirting manor, except his drama partner, Louis. It’s curious, he realizes, how that’s the person he thinks of when their life might come to an end on these very tracks humming his grandfather’s favorite song.

When he watched them dance at Niall’s party, he knew he had to break Harry from the inside out. He was losing him to this blue-eyed creature…but why? Sure, Louis was gorgeous and even he wanted him, desired him, longed to taste him; yet, he could tell Harry was falling; falling in ways he couldn’t stand; falling in love with Louis. His own spell was becoming uncast, and he’d rather die.

He takes his phone out of his jacket, dialing Perrie’s number. He’s not all surprised when she doesn’t answer. Why would she? Still though, an unsettling emptiness begins to fill his lungs – in and out like the vapor he is inhaling.

He catches a glance of himself in his rearview mirror, disgusted by what he sees. He looks the same as he did earlier, but there’s a ting of guilt washing over him that he hadn’t felt in a long time. He climbs out of the car. It’s almost as if an invisible angel is leading him to the tracks; holding his hand under the darkness of the dreary night sky,

_“You went out with him again,” Zayn lays awake into the morning hour. “I can’t believe it. Harry, you dumb fuck!” He removes his blanket, standing up to greet him. “Why would you be so stupid, huh?” Zayn lifts his  arms for Harry to crawl in, feeling teardrops fall on his chest rapidly. “Damien doesn’t get you.”_

_“I, I,” Harry bleated. “I thought he wanted to get back together. I thought he loved me,” Harry burrowed his face in the bend of Zayn’s arm, comfortable enough to let the tears freefall down his cheeks._

_Zayn let out a frustrated sigh, running his fingers through Harry’s tangled curls. “Harry, you are smarter than that. Tell me what happened. Why are you crying?”_

_Sniffling, Harry propped himself up on his elbows. With a quivering lip, he reached beside the bed, took a shot of gin as his eyes gazed back into Zayn’s mocha ones. “He asked me out to dinner…then we went back to his dorm. We were kissing and stuff, you know? It was like it always had been. I was getting so turned on…” Harry looks down at his hands. “But just before things got heated, someone knocks on his door….calling him ‘babe’, wanting in. I can’t believe I’m so stupid.”_

_Harry molded his hand into a fist, pulling at his hair that was tangled in between his fingers. His smile had long faded, overcome with grief. “I’m stupid. I’m ugly. Why didn’t I listen to you?”_

_“Hey, stop that!” Zayn insisted, grabbing ahold of Harry’s hand and flattening it on his chest, his own weighing the fingers down into a straight position. “Relax, sweetheart,” He cooes. “This all boils to loneliness – if I’m hearing you correctly. Let someone who cares about you be the one you run to. Run to me. Always. No labels.”_

_He tugged at the hem of Harry’s Beetles shirt, breathing on his neck. “I promise I’ll always take care of you. Nobody else wants to put in the work you take,” he watches Harry’s brows knit in dissatisfaction. “But you always have me. Doesn’t this feel good?”_

He remembers finding these old abandoned tracks freshman year, excited that he’d have a safe place to smoke, relax, and just be in the present. The only thing to ever bother him was the crows, of course, filthy little birds – and his own thoughts. Those were dangerous, poison even. On a good day, he’d wondered if it would be painless to be hit by a train.

_“I’ve met someone,” Harry hummed into Zayn’s hair as they laid watching a chick flick – not just any film, his favorite in fact. Zayn wasn’t so sure when he became so whipped as to allow him to watch the same film over and over, but in some ways, he enjoyed making the green eyed man smile. “With you having Perrie and all…”_

_Zayn swallowed thickly, pulling Harry closer to him by his waist; territorial instincts taking over. “You’ve met someone?” He repeats, hoping he heard incorrectly._

_“Yes!” Harry squeals. “He’s beautiful, stunning! Niall introduced us. He always comes to the frat parties. We danced the night away,” Harry swoons, dazzling his million dollar smile in Zayn’s direction._

_“Don’t be a whore,” Zayn rolled his eyes unimpressed. “I don’t have Perrie. I just have you.”_

_“He’s a drama major,” Harry interjected, sighing dreamily. “Was star of the musical last year. He told me that after Christmas break, he’s doing a production of Grease. It’s going to be a modern twist. He’s going to be Sandy.”_

_“Is that so?” Zayn hissed, trying to not sound jealous; winching when he heard his voice crack._

_“Yes! He’s holding auditions for Danny next week. Needs someone taller than him with dark hair. He thinks I’ll fit the part!” Harry sounds excited. “And said I dance like I was made for it.”_

_Zayn suddenly shifted their bodies around, latching onto Harry’s ear aggressively. “You know,” he said as he placed his hands on either side, feeling the mattress give under his weight. “You should let me try out for that play,” he made his way down to the top of Harry’s swallow tattoo. “Think I was made to be an actor.”_

_“You’re jealous!” Harry replied, a glint of excitement in his voice. “That I danced with him, aren’t you?”_

_“And why wouldn’t I be? Don’t want you to be a whore, Harry. I don’t have Perrie. She isn’t mine. We just…..hang out sometimes. What me and you have – it’s special,” Zayn laces his fingers in Harrys, pushing him deep into the mattress. “Don’t I mark you up in the hallways? I’m not ashamed of you at all.”_

Zayn lets his head roam up the stars. He reaches insisde his jacket, feeling his pocket knife just sitting there, a coolness in the metal. He realizes that he doesn’t feel right at the moment, or maybe he never did. He has regret in his heart that rips him open everyday.

__“I hate cancer,” Zayn cries as he sits beside his grandfather. “I can’t live without you.”__

__

__

_“Don’t worry, Hafid, you’ll be okay,” His grandfather said smiling, confident. “You’ve got more love than most your age,” he lets his eyes navigate toward the open door of the hospital room._

_Zayn let tears freefall from his eyes, smiling at the thought that Harry is sitting outside the door. “He’s amazing. You’re the only one in my family to see that.”_

_“That’s partially my fault,” His grandfather shifts around uncomfortable in his bed. “I used to not understand,_ mithli aljins,  err _same-sex relationships. You’ll have to forgive my English. I raised your father to be the same. Seeing you happy though, that’s everything to me, Hafid.”_

_"I don’t want to live without you,” Zayn put his head on the side of the bed, clutching onto the covers tightly. “I can’t!”_

__

__

__

__Zayn looked at his grandfather for what he knew would be one last time. He was right, he thought, he was lucky enough to have a love burning this bright; even if nobody knew, not even the one he loved with all his fibers standing outside the door._ _He saw it coming, but still, the minute he exited the room, he could hear the heart monitor flat-lining. He dropped to his knees, letting Harry hold his erratic state in his arms just outside of the door.__

He clutches onto the pocket knife, sighing heavily, his fingertips sweating as he crotches down along the tracks, digging until he finds what he’s looking for.

Wrapped in a plastic bag, a smile emerges across his lips as he sees the white powdered substance.

Numbness and freedom awaits, he reasons for himself. He uses the knife to cut open the bag, licking the powder off the blade.

Just before he can ingest anymore, though, he sees a familiar face lighting up his phone.

Blue eyes smiling at him from the other side.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think of the backstory?  
> Who do you think Harry is going to see?
> 
> Thanks for all the love and support <3


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